


Life of the Party

by Thedouph, Winter_Stan_107 (Thedouph)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bachelorette Party, Body Shots, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Dare, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-16 00:28:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9265703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thedouph/pseuds/Thedouph, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thedouph/pseuds/Winter_Stan_107
Summary: "I'm not gay," Steve insisted with a laugh, tossing his head back as if Tony had cracked one of the funniest jokes in history. On this rare occasion, however, Tony Stark had been dead serious when he brought up the idea that Steve should be questioning his sexuality."C'mon Stark, we're writing down names of people to invite to my bachelor party, which if you haven't forgotten, is because I'm getting married to Sharon Carter who just so happens, to be female.""I'll make you a bet."Steve nodded for him to continue, watching as Tony crossed his arms, gazing up at the ceiling."For one week you have to date one of the guys on that list." Tony held up a hand as Steve began to interrupt, a horrified expression on his face. "You get to choose who it is," he continued, "and it's only for a week.""At the end of the week if you're still convinced that you're straight...I'll pay for your wedding."Steve didn't hesitate, sealing the deal with a firm shake.





	1. Started as a bet

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [they say love is a virtue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7173149) by [agetwellcard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/agetwellcard/pseuds/agetwellcard). 



"I'm not gay," Steve insisted with a laugh, tossing his head back as if Tony had cracked one of his killer jokes. On this rare occasion, however, Tony Stark had been dead serious when he brought up the idea that Steve should be questioning his sexuality.

"C'mon Stark, we're writing down names of people to invite to my bachelor party-" He paused mid sentence, hesitating before scribbling down the name of one of his childhood friends. Bucky Barnes... he thought to himself, crossing out Bucky before rewriting James beside it. Doubtful he would still go by his nickname. "Which, if you haven't forgotten, is because I'm getting _married_ to Sharon Carter who just so _happens_ ," Steve finished off the list with Sam Wilson, knowing his best friend wouldn't miss this party for the world. "To be female."

Tony just huffed, spinning around once in his office chair as he chewed on a pen. "Anyone can get married to a girl, Rogers. Hell, if I wanted to I could up and get married tomorrow."

"You're already Married."

Tony smirked, taking the pen and pointing it at Steve. "Exactly."

Steve rolled his eyes, folding up the paper before slipping it into an envelope. Sam had promised to deal with the invitations if Steve pulled together a list. "Tony I don't know what to tell you. I've dated girls all my life, now I'm getting married to one. If that's not proof that I'm straight- as straight as that pen," he added, nodding to the pen that Tony was now tapping against his thigh, only to see the end slightly bent from where the billionaire had been chewing on it. He fell silent, realizing a moment too late that his analogy was only proving Starks point.

"You were saying?" A smug look appeared on Tony's face as he leaned back in his chair, looking as if he'd just won the lottery.

Steve clenched his jaw, meeting the other man's gaze. "Fine."

"Fine, you admit you're gay?"

"Fine, I'll prove to you that I'm straight."

Tony nodded slowly, a plan already blossoming in his mind. "Hand me that list," he requested, propping his feet up on his desk as he opened the envelope back up, revealing at least twenty names. "You know all these guys well?"

"Most of them. Not so much with bu- James Barnes." Steve swallowed, the name like sandpaper against his threat.

"He go by James now?"

Steve nodded, thoughts suddenly drifting elsewhere. Back to his mother's funeral where she had been buried next to his dad, and walking back home with Bucky in tow. "I'm with you 'till the end of the line, Pal." The brunette had promised, and he'd meant it. Years later Bucky enlisted in the army, and that had been the last Steve Rogers had seen of Bucky Barnes.

"I...I didn't even know he was alive until recently. Evidently his unit was captured and..." he couldn't bring himself to continue. The unspoken words of Bucky being tortured by a Nazi group called Hydra bringing a chill up his spine. An image of Bucky with a metal prosthetic flashed in his mind, a picture he'd seen in the newspaper, titled something along the lines of, "Our Soldiers Returning home." Bucky had an honorable discharge, with a Purple Heart to prove it.

Tony dismissed his loss of words with a wave of his hand, going over the names on the list before setting it down on the table. "I'll make you a bet."

Steve nodded for him to continue, watching as Tony crossed his arms, gazing up at the ceiling.

"For one week you have to date one of the guys on that list." Tony held up a hand as Steve began to interrupt, a horrified expression on his face. "You get to choose who it is," he continued, "and it's only for a week."

Steve's jaw gaped open, recovering after only a moments of shock. "...what would be in it for me," he questioned, spinning the list around so it faced him. All of the guys on this list were like brothers. Clint...Bruce...Sam... Hell, even Wade.

"At the end of the week if you're still convinced that you're straight...I'll pay for your wedding."

Steve fell silent. He still wasn't sure where he was going to get the money for the wedding in the first place. With both his parents dead and living on a limited income earned from his art commissions, he had a tough time buying the simplest necessities such as his weekly groceries.

"If I were to say yes to this..." he began, biting his lip as he thought over scenarios in his head. Who would he choose to be his "boyfriend?" Surely it would have to be someone who would turn around after all this was over and laugh it off. There was no way he could ever tell Sharon, either. "And it turns out I'm gay after all," Steve continued, willing to play into Tony's theory. Which, a theory was all it was. He knew he was straight, just as the sun knew it had to provide light and the ocean knew it had to create waves. It was a constant; something that would never change. With this in mind, and the need for money, Steve's mind was made up.

"Then I'm assuming you'll cancel the wedding and I won't need to pay for it."

Steve leaned forward running a hand through his hair.

"You've got nothing to lose, Rogers," Tony pointed out, noisily opening a bag of chips which he proceeded to eat, simply shrugging when Steve suggested his dignity. "I'm sure you'll thank me when this is all over and you're living your happy, gay life."

That comment seemed to set something off as Steve quickly stood up, jaw tight as he grabbed the envelope off of Tony's desk. "You know what? I'll do it. But, I want until after my Bachelor party to decide who it'll be."

Tony gave an enthusiastic laugh, lifting his arms into the air. "Perfect! Steve Rogers," He said, standing up as he extended an arm. "You've got yourself a deal."

Steve didn't hesitate, sealing the deal with a firm shake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve and Tony discussing the bet:


	2. 'Steve' and 'Bucky'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of this chapter starts out pretty slow but it picks up towards the middle. Hope you enjoy and don't forget to comment and tell me what you think!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah! The amount of response I got to that first chapter was unbelievable! Each of your comments put a smile on my face a really encourage me to keep writing, so thank you to everyone who took the time to write one as well as leave Kudos.

 

  
      The sound of a phone ringing brought Bucky out of a deep sleep, groaning as he rolled over and opened his eyes to see the screen lighting up the room. Leaning over to his nightstand he fumbled for his phone, nearly knocking it off the small surface before picking it up. A Brooklyn number flashed across the screen, though it was one he didn't recognize. Bucky slid his finger across the screen, trying not to groan as he glanced at the time. Brooklyn was 3 hours ahead from where he lived in California, meaning whoever was calling was clearly oblivious to the fact that it was 4 in the fucking morning for him. With a yawn Bucky held the phone up to his ear, mumbling a tired 'hello?' into the receiving end.

There was a long pause before the person on the other end replied; something along the lines of, "Oh shoot, i didnt wake you did I?" Though it was hard to tell for sure due to the noise in the background.

Bucky considered lying, but considering he didn't even know the name of this guy, he decided against it. "S' fine, i'm getting up in an hour anyway for my 5am run. Might as well get a head start on my day."

"Shit."

Bucky couldn't help but laugh, getting to his feet and walking to the kitchen. "Don't worry about it, Man. However, i think i deserve to know the person thats taking credit for waking me up at..." He paused to check the time. "... 4:18."

"Sam Wilson, and while i'm at it i guess i might as well tell you what i'm calling for."

Bucky hummed his agreement, holding the phone against his ear and shoulder as he worked to get the coffee machine working. "Might want to make sure you've got the right number first," He joked, grabbing a mug from the cupboard.

"Am I on a role here or what?" Bucky could here him chuckle before he continued. "I'm calling for a James Barnes?"

Grabbing the cup of coffee after it filled, the brunette made his way over to his couch where he set down the mug. "That'd be me," He confirmed, turning on the TV and setting the volume low.

"Atleast i got that right," Same muttered before continuing. "So a friend of mine named Steve Rogers is getting married and he put me in charge of inviting guests to his bachelor party-"

"Wait wait wait," Bucky couldn't help but interrupt, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. "Little Stevie's getting _married_?!" The brunette leaned back into the couch, letting out a long breath. "Man, i never thought i'd see the day."

"Little? Sure man, sure. But yeah, it's tough for me to believe, too. Him and i have been through everything together and now he's up and leaving me for this girl of his."

"When's the wedding?" Bucky murmured absentmindedly, thoughts drifting back to over a decade ago. 'Him and i have been through everything together...' Sam's words kept echoing in his mind as he was suddenly assaulted with memories. Steve starting fights in the alley way, always for the better good, and Bucky having to come in and break up the fights. Save the little punks ass. Yeah, maybe that made him a jerk, but he was Steve's jerk. 'Till the end of the line...

"Uh, one thing," He interrupted as Sam was going over the details of this bachelor party, which he had evidently been invited to. Swallowing, he scratched the back of his neck, not sure if he should break it slowly or just ease into i- "I'm Gay." Yep. There it was. "I just...wanted to make sure that wouldn't be a problem."

"Hell no," Sam replied confidently, and Bucky could almost imagine him shaking his head. "In fact Steve and his friend Tony...-Don't tell him that!"

Bucky laughed, suddenly very curious after hearing the unmistakable voice of Steve Rogers.

"Nevermind, you'll just have to ask him yourself at the party."

Bucky rolled his eyes, a smirk appearing on his face. "Was that Steve?" He asked, knowing perfectly well that it was. Of course it was.

"Ye- Ow! God. No, Steve's..Steve isn't here."

"Mhm...Alright, we'll go with that answer then." If Bucky had to guess, though... "Hypothetically speaking, if I was on speaker and Steve was right next to you, then he'd certainly answer if i were to speak to him, right?"

"Uh," Sam muttered and Bucky saw the opportunity so he ran with it.

"Steve?"

There was silence on the other end for several long moments before a familiar voice picked up, so much deeper then Bucky remembered it but still carrying that unmistakable Brooklyn accent. "Hey, Buck." The man on the other line greeted, and Bucky felt his chest tighten as nostalgia swept over him. Steve had been his first love. He'd never admit that to anyone, though. Especially Steve.

They ended up talking until his throat hurt, and the clock had long since passed 5 am. They had lost touch for so long yet it felt like picking up right from where they'd left off. As if no time had passed at all. Bucky couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy, and when Steve admitted he had to go, the level of disappointment he felt only shone light on how alone he'd been for the last few years.

"But you'll be at the party, right?"

And God, how could he say no?

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." He murmured, smiling into the phone.

The click of the line going dead left a void gaping open in his chest; One that he hadn't even realized existed until Steve had filled it back up. It was like leaving Brooklyn all over again, knowing his life would never be the same. Not without Steve Rogers in it. And now they were finally getting the chance to get back in touch, an opportunity to be 'Steve and Bucky' instead of 'Steve' and 'Bucky,' The lil punk was getting married. A sad smile appeared on his face, imagining the blonde, just 5' 4" as he said his wedding vows to his bride. Was she taller then him? Maybe he'd grown a few inches after they'd seen each other last? Bucky had been 18 when he'd left, Steve just a year younger. He would give anything to go back in time for a do over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve on the phone with Bucky:


	3. A hundred times, Yes.

Bucky arrived at the party, thanking his cab driver as he quickly got out of the car. He was instantly met with loud, upbeat music along with the heavy scent of alcohol. A tall man with dark skin greeted him at the door and Bucky immediately recognized his voice. "Sam Wilson, right?" He asked, stepping over to the entrance to the club.

Sam laughed, nodding as they shook hands. "In the flesh. James, i assume?"

"You mean the one you decided to wake up at 4 in the morning? Yeah, that'd be me." Bucky smirked, hesitating for only a moment before adding, "Call me Bucky." He hadn't gone by that name in years, though using it now as he was reunited with his childhood best friend...it just felt right.

"Bucky Barnes it is, then." Sam replied with a wink, already moving to open the door for him; leading him into the building. "Steve should be around here somewhere...He's been waiting for you to get here."

A sudden feeling of butterflies in his stomach assaulted him as he let out a shaky breath, pushing through the crowded room as he followed Sam. Sure, they had spent forever talking on the phone and catching up, but that didn't stop Bucky from feeling nervous. It would be the first time seeing Steve since he was 18. So much had changed within those years they'd been apart...Finally after what seemed like forever, Sam's face lit up, apparently spotting Steve, though upon following his gaze to a man who's back was turned to them, the tall, broad shouldered, muscular blonde that Sam was looking at was nothing like his description of the Steve he knew. Small, skinny as hell, Asthmatic, along with a ton of other conditions. That was the his Steve.

"Yo Rogers!" The man whirled around at the sound of his name, gaze flickering to Sam before settling on Bucky. "Found your boy Barnes outside," Sam continued, clapping him on the back. "Looked a bit ruffed up from the travel but nothing a good drink can't fix. I'll leave you two to catch up." Sam grinned, announcing he was off to mingle before slipping back into the crowd.

For Bucky, however, it felt like the world had frozen. Trapped in that moment, with nothing but Steve's big, blue eyes searing into him. Eyes filled with so much joy and happiness, all directed towards Bucky. The next thing he knew, Steve was advancing towards him, and suddenly he was embraced in strong arms as he was hugged, hearing a soft breath against his neck of, "Bucky..." It took a minute, but he finally snapped out of whatever trance he was in, hugging back with just as much force. "God, Steve it's been forever..." he murmured, voice hoarse with emotion.

They held on to each other for several more long moments, neither one of them wanting to let go. They had been apart for over 10 years, and suddenly that decade seemed like so much longer.

"I thought you were dead," Steve finally spoke up as he pulled away, the joy in his face temporarily masked by concern and worry.

So maybe he'd nearly died. The heavy weight of his metal arm a constant reminder of the days he spent in the war; of the tragic experiences that would, without a doubt, follow him for the rest of his life. The explosion, the loss of his arm, the PTSD... The list went on and on. That was a topic for another day, though. He had no intention of ruining the mood with such a depressing story regarding the life of James Buchanan Barnes. "I thought you were smaller," Bucky shot back in an attempt to change the subject, smirk appearing on his face as he worked to coax back the light that shone in the other man's gaze. That was one thing that never changed about Steve Rogers. Even when he was at his lowest, beaten up in the back of an alley because he just didn't know when to give up, the light in his eyes never dulled. Filled with so much life despite how much pain he'd suffered. It was something Bucky always admired about him.

Steve faltered, apparently aware of Bucky's divergence of the subject matter but having no intention of pressing the topic. Instead he gave a sheepish smile, nodding and leading Bucky over towards the bar where they both sat down. "Way too sober for this story," He explained, flagging the bartender down and ordering a drink. Bucky ordered the same.

"Do you remember the last thing you told me before you left?"

Bucky thanked the bartender as their drinks were placed in front of them before returning his attention to Steve, not even having to think before answering, "Don't do anything stupid until i get back."

And Steve, being the smart ass he was, had replied with 'How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.'

Steve laughed, nodding as he took a sip of his drink. "Well," He continued after setting it back down. "I did something stupid."

Bucky laughed, gesturing for him to continue as he leaned back in his seat. "This should be good."

Steve only rolled his eyes, falling silent for a moment as he collected his thoughts. "After you left," He began, watching the condensation on the outside of his glass as it slowly started making it's journey towards the bottom. "I volunteered for a program... They were testing this new..." Steve bit his lip, searching for the right word. "Serum, they called it. They had plans to make it go public if all went well-which it did, as you can tell," He added, gesturing to his body with a smirk. "Though the man who had the formula was killed afterwards in a shooting." Steve finished with a sigh, a thoughtful expression on his face.

 _Leave it to Steve_ , he thought to himself, staring at the blond with a look of exasperation. "The hell were you thinking, Rogers? God, you are such an idiot." Despite the frustration on his face, his tone was laced with amusement. "I can't leave you for two seconds before you're off and getting yourself into trouble."

"12 years, Buck," Steve reminded him, throwing him a sidelong glance. "Not quite the same as two seconds."

That shut Bucky up.

They finished their drinks, and then another and soon enough they were back to their playful banter, until Sam made an appearence mid-convo, insisting Steve come over and join in because, "You can't hide out all night at the bar with Bucky at your own Bachelor party."

Bucky felt a sense of pride at that.

Much to his disappointment however, Sam managed to convince Steve to get up and mingle, though only after Bucky had stood up did he reluctantly agree. Bucky knew Steve was drunk before he even started showing signs, and after his first stumble while he made his way to the dance floor did Bucky realized it was time to call it quits. "Nope, i think you've had enough there, pal."

Steve frowned at the drink that had just been offered to him, seeming to have a mental debate of whether risking a hangover tomorrow was worth it. Bucky was almost afraid that his suggestion would be ignored, finally smiling in relief when Steve rejected the drink, instead grabbing Bucky by the arm and leading him towards the edge of the room.

"You having a good time, Rogers?"

Bucky glanced up at the DJ booth to see a man, with brown hair and a face shaven in what appeared to be a Van Dyke style, waving down at them, before leaning towards the microphone where he proceeded to make a comment about, "Not stopping until the sun comes up," which really got the party hyped up.

"Having a blast, Tony!" Steve had to yell over the music Tony had cranked up, and Bucky couldn't help the flutter in his heart as the other man turned to look right at him as he said it.

God, this was one hell of a night.

They partied until the early hours, Bucky allowing a few more drinks to slip in while a the same time falling more and more in love with Steve. It was so easy, to the point where he began to wonder if he'd ever _stopped_ being in love with him.

Over the course of the night, Bucky was introduced to several of Steve's friends: Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, the DJ Tony Stark who made an odd comment of, "You think he's the one?" While gesturing towards Bucky.

Steve shut him up with a look that could kill.

Bucky made a mental note to ask him about it later.

About an hour later Bucky found himself pressing close to Steve as they danced to the steady beat of the music. It hadn't been intentional, and to be honest he wasn't entirely sure how it had happened. Steve didn't seem to be the least bit affected by it, and Bucky knew he had the drinks to thank for that.

"Hey Bucky," Steve spoke up, leaning closer to speak into his ear. "I made this bet with Tony..." He fell silent and Bucky wasn't sure if he was going to continue before he finally did, seeming to choose his next words carefully. "He thinks i'm gay."

Bucky chuckled, sighing softly. "Now wouldn't that be something." He commented with a soft hum. That would be one way to make all his dreams come true. "So what was this bet?"

Steve didn't miss a beat this time. "The deal was," He said, swallowing before continuing, "I have to date one of the guys from this party for a week."

Bucky felt his heart rate spike up as he nodded, urging Steve to continue.

"At the end of the week if i'm still convinced i'm straight, Tony agreed to pay for the wedding."

He nodded once again, already knowing exactly where this conversation was headed, and he couldn't be happier about it. "So now the question is: Who will be willing to play 'boyfriend' for a week with Steve Rogers, and then laugh it off when it's all said and done?"

"Exactly," Steve agreed and Bucky knew exactly who he wanted to pick and hoped to God that Steve wouldn't chicken out, because yes.

"And uh..."

Absolutely yes.

"I was actually wondering if..."

One hundred percent, yes.

"Maybe you'd be willing to play the part?"

Bucky felt like fireworks were exploding around him and he wanted to scream his answer from the rooftops. Yes. A thousand times, yes. Without a doubt, yes, yes, yes. "What the hell," He replied with a casual shrug, forcing his excitement at bay. "Why not. I'll do it."

"I'll drink to that," Steve laughed with a grin, holding up his drink for the toast.

Bucky only hoped Steve would remember it in the morning.

This was going to be the greatest week of his life.


	4. You okay there, Pal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the wait, Here's chapter 4!

Steve awoke to the sun glaring into his eyes along with a pounding headache that carried with it flashes of memories from the night before. He remembered alcohol. A lot of it... dancing, loud music...Bucky...

_Oh shit, Bucky!_

The last thing he remembered from last night was getting into a cab just as the sun was rising, while he drunkenly leaned against a warm body beside him. Was this Bucky's hotel room? He looked around, taking in the sight of what appeared to be a suite. It was fairly large, containing a short hallway that led to a bathroom at one end and a closed door that must open up to the rest of the suite.

All at once everything came back to him and he shot up, nearly doubling over from the feeling of nausea and vertigo. His first instinct was to clutch his stomach, praying that everything he consumed from the night before would stay at bay, rather then making it's way back up his throat as he spewed his guts.

"You doing okay there, pal?"

Steve glanced up to see Bucky entering into the room, a glass of water held in one hand and what appeared to be a couple of aspirin held in the other. Instead of replying, he groaned, eyes shut tightly as he focused on steadying his breathing.

_Don't throw up, don't throw up, don't throw up..._

"Here, take these." Bucky offered him a sympathetic smile and handed the water and pills over before sitting down beside him on the bed, leg tucking gracefully beneath him while he bit his lip, something he often did when he was deep in thought. That hadn't changed in the twelve years they'd been apart. Finally the brunette let out a sigh, turning to meet Steve's gaze. "How much do you remember from last night?"

And oh boy, Steve was not in the mood to answer this question.

"At the end of the party you aske-"

Steve cut him off with a wave of his hand, taking a long swig of water as he swallowed down the pills. The vertigo and nausea had slowly begun to subside for the most part, though he was still left with a pounding headache. "I remember." And God he honestly wished he didn't. Whatever had possessed him to ask Bucky Barnes, of all people, to be his fake boyfriend was beyond him. With a soft groan Steve leaned back against the headboard, nails drumming against his thighs.

Bucky was silent for the longest time, and Steve would give anything to know what was going on inside his head. "You want to pretend it never happened?" Something flashed across the brunettes face. A brief look of hurt, though it could easily be mistaken for annoyance. Steve honestly couldn't blame Bucky. The previous night must have been a roller coaster for him. So many new faces and seeing Steve again after all this time couldn't have been anything but a shock. So much had changed...

The question wasn't unexpected, though Steve still found himself blinking in surprise. Not because Bucky had asked it, but because he realized that it wasn't what he wanted. Whether it be Bucky or someone else, he still needed a fake boyfriend, and... "No," He murmured simply, a small smile making it's way onto is face. "If you're up for it, there isn't anyone else I'd want to pick."

Bucky smirked. "Oh, _really_?"

Steve rolled his eyes, nodding once. "Bit of a blessing in disguise..." he explained tiredly, wanting nothing more then to curl back up and fall asleep again. He could never sleep while it was light out though, so that was out of the question. "No way could I be able to afford this wedding on my own, so this bet may just be my saving grace."

"So, do you have rules you have to follow? Instructions?"

Steve was silent for several long moments, eyes closed as he tried to remember what Stark had told him. "Check my phone," he suggested, about to reach for the nightstand to grab it because whenever he was hungover, Bucky always took it out of his pocket and put it somewhere he knew Steve would find it. At this realization Steve's eyes shot open, gaze landing on the table beside the bed to see his phone set right where he had expected. "...Did I put that there?"

A small smile appeared on Bucky's face, and that was all the answer that Steve needed. His head fell back against the pillow with a soft 'thump' while Bucky reached over to the nightstand to pick up his phone.

After all this time, it really was like nothing had changed...

"Password?"

"031087." It was an automatic reply, something he didn't even have to think about. It had been his password for so long he couldn't even remember how he'd come up with it.

He heard Bucky suck in a quick breath and the room lapsed into an odd silence . He almost thought he'd imagined it, though it was only moment's later when Bucky finally spoke.

"Steve?"

He heard Bucky let out a heavy breath and he blinked open his eyes to meet the other man's confusion filled gaze. "What's wrong?"

Bucky swallowed, turning to stare down at the phone as he slowly typed in the passcode. He didn't move after that, gaze still trained on the bright screen.

"Buck? You okay?"

"It's...It's my birthday," Bucky murmured. "Your passcode is my _birthday_."

And dammit, of course it was. How could he have forgotten? March 10, 1987. That had been the date Bucky was born. "Ah, so the mystery is finally solved." Steve chuckled, praying that Bucky wouldn't be completely creeped out about it. "I've been trying to figure out where that came from for years now.''

"You mean you've never changed it?"

Steve only shrugged. "It felt too special to change," he defended, a note of sarcasm in his tone and earning a laugh from Bucky.

"I feel honored Stevie, really, I do."

And there was that nickname. For the first time it sent chills running down his back though he was quick to blame it on the hangover.

"Don't get ahead of yourself there, Buck." Steve smirked, taking pride in seeing Bucky's reaction: A laugh that always brought him back to the time when they were kids, without a worry in the world. "C'mon, we're getting off task. Any word from Stark?"

Bucky hummed, locating the messages app on Steve's phone. "Oh boy, is there ever," he murmured before proceeding to read it aloud:  
  
  


"Morning, Steve, or afternoon, or night. Depending on whenever you wake up. Had quite a party last night! Anyway, glad to hear you've chosen your counterpart. I have high hopes that Barnes will be the best bet in getting you to realize how truly gay you are.  Either way, here are your guidelines for the following week:

          For the next seven days starting on Monday, you and Bucky will be officially dating. This will include going on dates, holding hands, kissing, and do feel free to make love if you feel the need arises."

Bucky gave an awkward cough as he quickly read through that part.

"All jokes aside now, please do put everything you have into this and don't try to cheat your way through it. I need full commitment from you that you'll fully participate in your part as Bucky's boyfriend. You've dated before, so you know the drill. Make each other dinner, share the same bed at night, compliments, pet names...do nice things for each other. Welp, that about covers it, and let me know if you have any questions. See you at the end of the week, Rogers. "

Steve let out a heavy breath, looking up to meet Bucky's gaze.

"Let's start slow," The brunette murmured, getting up and walking over to take Steve's hand. It was Monday morning, the first day of the bet. "I know someplace we can eat."

Steve nodded, forcing his pounding heart to steady as Bucky leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. He felt a rush of dizziness following the feeling of Bucky's lips against his skin as he was led out the door, and he would just blame that on the hangover, too.

Day one of the bet had officially begun.


	5. You're drivin' me wild

The fleeting memories of his dreams had been the second thing Steve noticed upon waking up. He couldn't even begin to guess when he'd dreamed last, and he knew for a fact that he had never felt so rested before. Which brought him to the first thing he noticed: he wasn't alone in bed. He was wrapped in another person's embrace, with said person's arm securing him in a tight hold that he realized...he didn't really want to leave. He felt safe, like he didn't need to worry about anything ever again and all was going right in the world.

      He knew the person was Bucky. They'd talked about it while getting ready for bed the previous night after their date...which had turned into an all-day event. Steve couldn't complain. He was getting a kick out of how seriously Bucky was taking his new role, even having gone to the extent of buying Steve a bouquet of roses which had been dramatically presented to him while Bucky got down on one knee and began to "confess" his undying love for him. They had laughed until their chests hurt, and as a 'thank you' to his amazing boyfriend, Steve had boldly kissed him on the lips, brief but meaningful.

He could feel each of Bucky's breaths against the back of his neck, warm and gentle. He felt himself sink into the feeling as he drifted back to sleep, wanting to put the world on pause so he could enjoy the moment for as long as possible. Just because he liked being held did not make him gay. He was still straight as he's ever been, and so far all he knew was that Tony would be sending a large sum of money into his bank account by the end of the week.

"Baby, hey. It's time to get up, doll."

Steve groaned, not realizing he'd fallen back asleep. He was no longer wrapped in Bucky's arms, instead opening his eyes to see the brunette looming over him, a sweet smile on his face.

_Sweet? Come on, Rogers, get your head back on track. Straight guys do not call other men 'sweet'._

"You with me baby?"

"Bucky..." Steve could only groan, blinking up at the other man tiredly. He had never been a morning person. Never was, never would be. He attempted to roll over onto his other side in hopes of falling back asleep but Bucky was quick to put a stop to that, insisting that once he got up and moving he'd be wide awake.

"Once I get a cup of coffee I'll be wide awake," he retorted, reluctantly dragging himself out of bed as he followed Bucky to the kitchen.

"I was thinking we go out for lunch in about an hour or so. There's a cute cafe right outside the hotel that the concierge was telling me about," Bucky explained while pouring coffee into Steve's mug before doing the same for his own. "Thought we could go check it out. What do you think?"

Steve gratefully took the mug from Bucky, pulling it close to his face as he breathed in the rich scent. "Yeah, sure, but uh..." He rubbed his eyes, the heavy fog of sleep finally beginning to wear off. "Doesn't breakfast come first?"

"It's 11:00 am, Steve." Bucky walked around the counter, letting out a sigh as he sat down beside him. "Did you give Tony your update last night?"

How had he managed to sleep so long? Steve frowned, thinking back to the night before. "I think so," He murmured, already pulling out his phone to check. Tony had asked that at the end of each day Steve send him a short update on where he was with his sexuality. "So far nothing's changed," he read aloud, glancing up at Bucky whose face was expressionless. "Still as straight as ever and looking forward to you paying for my wedding."

Bucky cleared his throat, nodding as he quickly stood up. "Good."

The brunette set his coffee down, seeming to have changed with a flick of a switch. "I'm going to go get ready," he explained quickly. "I'll try not to use all the hot water when I shower." He flashed one of his signature smirks towards Steve before turning around and making his way into the bathroom.  Steve knew better, though. It was just a mask. Something to give the allusion that everything was okay when everything was not. He was preparing to follow him when the soft sound of the door shutting warned him away, follow by the 'click' of the lock telling him something was _very_ wrong.

What had he missed?

***

"So far nothing's changed, still as straight as ever and looking forward to you paying for my wedding."

Steve glanced up at Bucky, looking for approval and Bucky just...He didn't have it in him. His heart had shattered at those words, falling into a deep abyss of sadness. He was heartbroken.

"Good," he forced out, his hands shaking so he quickly set down the mug, knowing he was on the verge of tears. There was no way Steve could ever see him like this. "I'm going to go get ready," the words came out in a rush as he felt the tears start to slip, and knowing he had to do damage control before this got out of hand. Time to put on the mask. "I'll try not to use all the hot water when I shower," he added, a well-practiced smirk appearing on his face. It had become second nature at this point.

 _It's important to always look your best when you feel your worst._ He'd heard that on a show at some point. Probably Political Animals. That sounded like something a Hammond would say.

He didn't give Steve the option to follow, closing the door and locking it after only a moment's hesitation. Little did Steve know, he'd taken a shower earlier that morning while the blonde was still asleep. Either way, he turned the shower on before sliding down against the wall and began to sob. He was so, so in love with this man it was killing him. He was digging himself into such a deep hole that there was no way he'd be able to make it out unharmed. He had already confessed his love for him, having gotten down on one knee and told him everything he was feeling.

It had only been seen as an act to Steve.

"I've been in love with you since we were kids," Bucky had said while holding out the dozen red roses to Steve.

It felt like a punch to the gut when Steve had cracked up laughing, but he had to play his part. He laughed, too.

Steve had kissed him.

That had been the moment Bucky started getting his hopes up.

"You make every single day worth living. You gave me a reason to fight." Bucky had taken Steve's hand, dramatically kissing each knuckle in turn. Bucky had had nothing left. He was simply a wounded soldier with PTSD, without a road leading to anywhere, and Steve had changed that. He'd brought the sun back into Bucky's lightless life.

He knew he needed to cut the bet off, to give him even a chance at recovering. Steve needed that money for the wedding, though, and Bucky wouldn't take that away from him.

So he sat there in the corner of the bathroom and let the tears stream down his face, praying that the sound of the shower would drown out his sobs.

***

Steve took the time that Bucky was in the shower to find an outfit. He hadn't brought anything to wear from his house, so he'd been borrowing the other man's clothes.

For once they actually fit.

He let out a sigh, crouching down beside Bucky's suitcase as he rifled through the bag, looking for something suitable to wear for lunch down at the cafe. He chose a simple blue button-down shirt along with a nice pair of jeans, just in time for the sound of the shower to shut off. Bucky usually took long showers. Even after all these years his minimum still seemed to be at least twenty minutes. "You trying to break some records or something?" Steve called over to the bathroom where he could hear Bucky shuffling around. There was no reply.

A moment later the bathroom door swung open to reveal a shirtless Bucky, hair wet and towel wrapped tightly around his hips. A soft gasp escaped from his lips as he stared at the man in front of him, skin shiny with droplets of water cascading down his chest, and for a moment Steve forgot how to breathe.  "All yours," the brunette announced casually, nodding his head towards the shower.

Right. It was his turn to take a shower. Steve snapped into action, nodding as he stood up and quickly exited the room hoping Bucky hadn't noticed.

 _But what had there been to notice?_ He argued with himself as he walked into the bathroom, turning to look at himself in the mirror.

Suddenly it hit him. The mirror wasn't even the least bit fogged up, and Steve knew that Bucky hated cold water. Had he even showered in the first place?

Deciding to worry about it later, Steve turned the shower faucet on and got into the shower.

***

They made their way down to the cafe, walking hand in hand. Bucky had seemed to be back to normal though Steve could tell something was still a bit off. "Hey," he murmured softly into the other man's ear, hesitating a moment before placing a gentle kiss against his temple. He still needed to get over the awkward barrier of 'a straight man kissing another guy for the sake of a bet,' though he figured he's just address that later. "Everything okay?"

Bucky blinked, seeming to have been lost in his own thoughts before he quickly nodded, allowing Steve to pull him in closer while they continued walking towards the restaurant.

After a moment, a thought struck Steve and he couldn't help but watch Bucky while they ordered their food and then walked over to sit down in a booth. "Bucky, is this..." Steve swallowed uneasily, feeling a wave of guilt sweep over him. "Is this too weird for you? I'm so sorry, I should have been checking in with you along the way, if you want to back out you can, i won't mind, I-"

"Steve. Stop." Bucky let out an amused laugh, leaning back against his seat. "It isn't too weird. If it was i'd tell you. Plus i love spending time with you."

Steve released a breath of relief, feeling as if a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "Well i'd rather be doing this with my best friend then anyone else."

He didn't see the look of sadness that passed briefly over Bucky's face.

"Oh? So i'm your best friend again, huh?" Bucky laughed, eyes crinkling up in that way of his, and Steve found out he loved that about the brunette. "I was afraid Sam had replaced me."

"You kidding? Sam may be my partner in crime, but..." Steve shook his head, knowing he was about to start spewing a bunch of emotional shit. "You and me pal, we've gone to hell and back. You've saved my ass more times then i can count, been there for me when the going got rough..." He met Bucky's gaze, feeling his heart beat quicken. "Dragged me along on all those double dates," He added, laughing in amusement as Bucky rolled his eyes. "not to mention when you made me ride the cyclone-"

"And you threw up," Bucky interjected with a laugh. "This bet isn't payback, is it?"

Steve smirked. "Now why would I do that?"

_The real questions is did the sound of his voice always send shivers up my spine?_

"The point is," He continued. "After all of that how could you not be my best friend? Honestly i don't even think best friend covers it anymore. Whatever we have...That's something more.

"Well look who it is," A voice called from behind them, and suddenly Steve froze, eyes growing wide as he felt Bucky stiffen beside them, as none other then Sharon Carter walked up.

***

Bucky felt panic taking over his body, a million thoughts going through his head as to why Sharon fucking _Carter_ was here. Sure, they'd grown up together in the same neighborhood, but Bucky and Steve had always been so much closer with her sister, Peggy. "Sharon," He greeted, hoping his tone was light enough so it didn't reflect the amount of jealousy and fear he was feeling towards her. Steve's fiance of all people, who just happened to be the last person Bucky ever wanted to see again. This was the woman who was taking Steve out of his life. The person who was the ultimate source of his heartbroken state. "It's been awhile."

"It has, hasn't it? I didn't even know you were back!" Sharon smiled sweetly at him before turning to Steve, a look of confusion written across her face. "So this is that business trip you were referring to? A week hiding out with Bucky?" She let out an exasperated sigh, moving forward to let Steve wrap her in a hug, squeezing him back.

Bucky watched them intently, unable to understand why they'd _hugged._ Not even a kiss on the cheek. Was this relationship even love?

"Well if i told you the truth, you'd probably demand a divorce before we even got married." Bucky could tell it was all said in good humor, though at the same time he could tell Steve hadn't been kidding as much as it may have seemed.

Sharon held his gaze before glancing over that Bucky who only offered her a small shrug. He felt nothing but anger towards her, though he didn't _want_ to hate her. She was a good person who had ever right to marry Steve. He just wished Steve loved him instead.

Steve sighed, rubbing his temples while seeming to be having a mental debate with himself about whether or not to tell Sharon. Finally after several long moments he gave a small nod, motioning for her to sit down. To Bucky's surprise however, Steve chose to sit down beside him instead, facing Sharon from across the booth.

"Steve...?" Sharon stared at him, studying and analyzing each and every move he made. Please tell me what's going on..."

Bucky quickly caught Steve's glance and saw his eyes were full of uncertainty. As if on instinct Bucky grabbed Steve's hand  under the table, interlacing their fingers and pulling it to rest over his thigh.

The gesture seemed to visibly calm Steve, as he immediately let out a breath, nodding before facing Sharon.

She was the wolf; Steve was the sheep. The question was: would the sheep get eaten, or would it have another chance at survival?

"A few weeks before my bachelor party," Steve began, tightening his grip on Bucky's hand. "I made... I made a bet with Tony. I know now it was Stupid. I realize that, now."

Bucky wasn't sure how much more pain he could take.

"I was worried about money and Tony kept _pushing_ it..."

Steve was stalling.

"Steve, please just tell me."

Bucky could tell that Sharon's confusion was slowly turning into anger. He could tell by the fire that was burning in the depths of her brown orbs. Maybe the fire was there, may it was an allusion only he could see.

And maybe she wasn't the wolf after all. Maybe she was the mountain lion.

Steve, the cornered sheep, turned to glance at Bucky, a pleading look asking him to continue. He nodded. Of course he would. He would do anything for this man.

"Tony think's Steve's gay," Bucky stated  simply, holding Sharon's gaze. At his words he felt Steve quickly tug his hand free from his grasp, though as much as it felt like a scalding knife being seared into his heart, he continued on. "The bet was: Steve had to go for a week, pretending to date someone from his bachelor party and... he chose me. When it's all over and Steve is still convinced he's straight-"

"-Stark agreed to pay for the wedding." Steve finished, a hopeful look on his face.

What was the mountain lion going to do?"

"Please understand," Steve begged.

"You son of a bitch."

The mountain lion had chosen to strike.

Steve was left staring after her as Sharon got up, storming out of the cafe. The look that blazed in her eyes was a look that could kill, and Steve was left looking like he'd physically been slapped. His gaze was unfocused, lips parted slightly as he slowly tried to process what had just happened. And then the tears had started to flow. "Oh, baby..." Bucky hadn't meant for the name to slip, though it did and there was nothing he could do about it now.

He expected Steve to be upset about it, knowing this wasn't the time to be worrying about the bet, but instead Steve turned to him, pulling him close as he began to cry into his shoulder.

"Shh... Baby it's going to be okay." He gently kissed Steve on his forehead, running a hand through his blond hair before taking his thumb and wiping the tears off his face.

"Bucky," Steve suddenly gasped, pulling back to meet his gaze.

And then Steve did the last thing Bucky would have ever expected.

He surged forward, locking their lips together in a bruising kiss. Deep and passionate, kissing him like the world was ending and this was how he'd chosen to spend his last few moments.

All at once time seemed to slow down, passing by in slow motion, and Bucky could do nothing but kiss back with everything he had, letting his love for Steve spiraled out of reach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter, i hope you all enjoyed reading it!
> 
> Don't forget to drop a comment, it makes my day :)


	6. Kiss me on the mouth and set me free

What the  _hell_ was he doing? 

Steve had acted on impulse, feeling a surge of emotions running through him and unable to process them all. Sharon's reaction had felt like a stab to the chest, though she had every reason to be mad. 

'Son of a bitch!' She'd yelled at him, eyes filled with a sudden rage that he'd never seen in her before. 

 _It doesn't mean anything!_ he had wanted to yell at her as she stormed off. Him and Bucky, it was all for a bet. To get money for  _their_ wedding _._  And Steve had just lost it. He felt as if his heart, as delicate as a glass sculpture, had just been dropped, hitting the ground and shattering into trillions of little shards. He felt Bucky pulling him closer and he didn't resist, hardly registering the words of, "Oh, baby..." that had tumbled out of the brunettes mouth. He didn't react, feeling the tears start to slip. Maybe those words were just what he needed right now.

"Shh...Baby, it's going to be okay." 

He felt Bucky press a gentle kiss against his forehead; his hand running through his hair. A sudden warmth rushed through his chest and he'd quickly pulled back, lips gaping slightly as he stared at Bucky for a brief moment. He knew what he was feeling all of a sudden was just a reaction to Sharon, yet...

He had to be sure.

 _Just a reaction_ he reminded himself, surging forward to kiss Bucky.

Which brought him to his current question:

_Rogers, what the hell are you doing?_

Bucky had faltered, taking a moment before he'd started to kiss back, but when he did... God, Steve felt like he was soaring. He pressed into the kiss, deepening it while vaguely registering Bucky's soft moans: Little intakes of breath that made his heart flip. He breathed in deeply, feeling the other man's lips, so soft against his own. Bucky kissed him with so much passion and emotion, almost as if he'd been dying of dehydration and Steve was a golden chalice filled to the brim with the purest water. Bucky's hands found their way to Steve's hair, tightening against his blonde strands, lips parting slightly to grant access to his toungue-

And that's when Steve crashed back into reality, plummeting back to earth like a meteor hitting the ground. He pulled away in one swift movement, breathing heavily as he watched Bucky try to follow the kiss, pupils blown wide as he met Steve's mirrored gaze.

"Steve..." He murmured, voice hoarse with a trace of desperation in his tone. 

"Fuck," He breathed, slowly standing up, hands shaking. He took a step back feeling like he was about to collapse. He stole a glance back to Bucky and couldn't do it anymore. The rush of emotions he was feeling was overwhelming. It felt like he was looking up at a huge wave, bearing down to crash over him, it's sole purpose to drown him. "I...have to go," he heard himself whisper, feeling tears welling into his blue orbs. 

He had to get out of there. 

Letting out a shaky breath he turned around, not even feeling like he was in his body as he walked out of the cafe. There was no way he could go back to the hotel...

_Natasha. The one person he could go to for anything._

He yanked his phone out of his pocket, dialing her number as he began walking in the direction of the hotel's taxi service. 

She picked up the phone on the third ringing, murmuring a distracted "Hello?" through the receiver.

"Nat..." He murmured, voice strained as he forced back the tears. He slowly sat down on a bench, and all at once the tears started, streaming down his face as he began to softly sob into the phone. 

"Steve?! Oh my God, are you crying?"

Steve let out a shaky breath, nodding numbly. "I...Can you come get me? I just...please..." He wiped his face, swallowing before dropping his face into his hands. "My life just went to shit and... I really need a friend."

"I'm on my way. You're at the hotel, right? I'll be there in 5 minutes Steve, just hold on for me, okay?" 

A few minutes later she pulled up and Steve didn't waiste a second, getting into her car quickly and shutting the door behind him. At this point the tears had stopped flowing, though they had left him feeling numb and empty. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Just drive..." He murmured softly, gaze transfixed on some invisible point in the distance.

Natasha nodded, starting the ignition back up and beginning the drive to her apartment.

***

"Steve..."

Bucky watched Steve as he walked away, feeling like a dog that had just been handed a treat only to have it torn away from him as soon as he got the smallest taste. 

He weaky got up out of the booth, suddenly finding it very difficult to breath. Had his heart been ripped out of his chest? It certainly felt like it. He didn't think he could take any more heartbreak. He'd reached his limit. Bucky took a few steps forward, a dizzying feeling rushing over him; his breaths coming in quick, short gasps. He quickly reached out, grabbing at the counter as he doubled over, the room suddenly become a blur around him. It reminded him of a mixture of paint on Steve's art palette as he painted the Brooklyn landscape. 

 _Steve_.

That was Bucky's last thought before darkness quickly overtook him.

***

They arrived at Natasha's apartment in only a few minutes, though Steve was lost in his own mind, hardly aware of anything that was going on around him. 

"We're here," Natasha murmured softly, gazing at Steve who continued to stare ahead, not yet registering her words. She let out a sigh, turning the car off and stepping out. She walked around to the other side, opening Steve's door. "C'mon, let's get you inside."

Steve finally nodded, snapping himself out of whatever mindset he was in, long enough to follow Natasha as she led him inside while keeping a very close eye on him. He was so fragile right now, and Natasha feared that he would break at any second.

"i'm not going to ask you to talk about it if you don't want to, but...I want you to know that i'm here for you, alright?" She unlocked her door to her apartment, following Steve inside. 

Steve let out a shaky breath, sitting down slowly on the couch. "I need to get it off my chest," he murmured, smiling gratefully when she chose to sit down beside him, gently rubbing his back in silent encouragement. 

"Do you know about the bet?" He asked after several long moments of silence, though his voice came out hoarse and unfamiliar to his own ears. 

"Tony told me, yeah."

Steve nodded, biting his lip in contemplation. "I don't know what's going on anymore, Nat." His voice came out in a soft whisper, unable to stop the tears as they broke free once more. "I shouldn't have gotten myself into this..."

Steve told her everything. How they'd both been playing their part in this bet, sleeping wrapped in each others arms each night. Making breakfast for each other, going out on dates...

"And then this morning we went out to lunch at this cafe down by our hotel," He continued, swallowing as he felt his pulse rate pick up at the memory, still too fresh in his mind. "It was going fine, until...Sharon of all  _people s_ hows up."

"Did she know you were there?"

"I never told her anything about the bet. After my bachelor party i basically went radio silent. She didn't even know Bucky was in town."

_Bucky._

That name felt like a fire lighting up in his chest. Whether it was the warm, welcoming fire that you lit up during winter, or a destructive wildfire that burned down entire forests...he wasn't sure.

"So what happened?"

Steve didn't notice he'd zoned out once more, rewinding the events from just a few hours ago in his head.

"I told her." He murmured quietly. "And she didn't take it well." Steve fell silent, thankful that his tears had dried up at last. He had never been such an emotional person. Couldn't even remember the last time he'd  _cried,_ yet here he was, only moments earlier, with tears streaming down his face. "It really hurt her, though how could it have not? Finding out that your fiancé hasn't been replying to your texts and calls because he's been dating a guy on the slight chance that he could be  _gay_?" Steve shook his head, letting out a soft laugh though his voice was devoid of humor. "It sounds a lot worse then it did in my head."

Natasha hummed in response, her hand still placed gently on his back. "So are you calling off the bet?"

"God, i wish i knew."

Natasha narrowed her eyes in confusion, looking over to meet his gaze. "You don't think..." 

Steve said nothing. Her sentence was left unfinished, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where she was going with it.

"I don't know." 

He didn't know if he was gay.

"After Sharon left," He continued, a soft sigh escaping his lips. "I...I kissed him." He felt his throat closing up at those words, having to struggle to get them out. "I don't know  _why_ i did it _._ Probably just so overwhelmed, and then I realized something as she was walking away... I didn't  _feel_  anything. I could have easily just gotten up and followed her, we would have fought, but it would have worked itself out. I could have, but...I didn't want to. Thinking back on it, i never felt anything when we kissed or made love. It just..." Steve paused, running a hand through his hair. "God this is going to sound awful. It always just felt like some obligation. I've always thought i was in love with her, until...until..."

"Until what?"

"Until we kissed..." he breathed out, subconsciously touching his lips, the ghost of Buck's mouth sending chills up his spine. "And i finally felt something. And it scared the shit out of me."

It was Wednesday. They were only on day 3 of the bet, and Steve was already losing.

The next morning after he woke,  he would open his phone to see multiple missed calls from the local hospital.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bucky watching Steve walk away: 

Steve crying with Natasha: 

Sharon walking out of cafe:

Bucky and Steve kissing:

 

 

 


	7. If i'm losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG okay so finally finished this chapter!! I love how this turned out and hope you all do to <3 I highly suggest listening to the song 'Heaven' By Troye Sivan before reading as it's the main focus towards the end of the chapter.

The soft sound of beeping drew Bucky out of a dreamless sleep, feeling cold for the first time in ages. So far every morning he had woken up with Steve wrapped in his arms, his short blond hair tickling his nose along with the scent of his morning breath  to greet him when he woke up. Today was different though. He felt a dull ache in his chest, the feel of the mattress hard and uncomfortable beneath him. Groaning softly he opened his eyes, immediately being met with the view of tubes and machines and... "What the hell," He murmured, gazing around the room. The  _hospital_  room. He glanced down at his arm to reveal an IV needle imbedded in the flesh and suddenly all the events from the previous day came flooding back into his memory. 

The soft click of a door opening alerted him as a man dressed in a long, white coat walked in, a friendly smile on his face. "I'm glad to see you're finally awake," The man said cheerfully, glancing down at a clipboard in his hand. "I'm Doctor Banner."

"What happened?" Bucky, croaked, wincing at how hoarse his voice sounded. The man, his doctor, sighed and sat down on a black stool, pushing himself over to the computer where he began scrolling through what Bucky assumed to be his records.

"You had a panic attack at a cafe from what we were able to figure out. Had to ask a few witnesses..."

_Oh God, how many people saw that?_

"You're Bucky Barnes?"

Bucky nodded, the faint sound of shouting audible from outside the hospital room. "Is...everything okay out there?"

Doctor Banner narrowed his eyes, the confused look on Bucky's face mirrored in his own. "I'll be right back." He murmured hesitantly, gently setting the clipboard down and walking out of the room.

"What do you mean i can't see him?!"

The shouting was growing louder.

"Sir, only family members are able to visit patients!"

"But he's my _boyfriend!"_

Bucky knew that voice.

"Sir! You can't go in there-"

Suddenly the door flew open and Bucky quickly shot up in bed, eyes growing wide as his gaze settled on a disheveled looking Steve Rogers. The man looked terrible: hair ruffled and messy, eyes bloodshot, and clothes a wrinkled mess. Upon seeing Bucky he gasped in relief, the words "Bucky," exiting his mouth in a swift exhale.

"Oh my God, you punk, what the hell are you  _doing_?"

Steve was about to reply when Doctor Banner and two other nurses entered the room, each of them insisting he leave at once. His gaze filled with desperation as he looked towards Bucky, then towards the nurses. "Please," He pleaded, and good Lord his voice sounded worse then Bucky's.

"I want him to stay," He murmured softly, meeting Doctor Banner's gaze. 

He hesitated for a moment, glancing uncertainly at Steve, who by no means looked the least bit presentable, before finally nodding reluctantly, ushering the nurses out of the room and following behind them. Doctor Banner shut the door softly as he left, making room for an awkward silence. 

"Hey, Buck." 

The brunette gave a lazy salute in greeting. "So, I'm your boyfriend now?" he smirked, watching in amusement as Steve groaned.

"I had to tell them something. They weren't going to let me in."

Bucky raised his eyebrows, not having the energy to laugh. "From what i could hear, your plan B didn't go so smoothly, either."

"Uh... Yeah," He agreed, glancing back to the door as if expecting the doctor to return.

Bucky gave a weak smile. "You look terrible," He observed, gaze sweeping over the blond.

"Says the man in the hospital..." Steve replied with a half smile, making his way across the room to Bucky's bed.

Bucky rolled his eyes, head falling back against his pillow. "No thanks to you," he countered with  a soft laugh, though his amusement was short lived as he saw Steve visibly wince. "Hey, Stevie i'm kidding. This isn't your fault."

_That's one of the biggest lies i've ever told..._

Steve said nothing, biting his lip uneasily as he sat down on the edge of Bucky's bed, staring off into the distance. 

"Steve, we're going to have to talk about it eventually..."

_The kiss._

When Steve remained silent he let out a heavy sigh, knowing they couldn't avoid it forever. 

"Look," He continued, studying the blond's stiff figure. Steve always got like that when there was something he wanted to say but just couldn't bring himself to  _say_  it. "Forget about the bet. We'll make something up, tell Tony at the end of the week that by day seven we're happy to announce that you won-"

"-It's day four." Steve murmured, speaking up at last. 

"Well, yeah. It's just three more days, i can go stay at a different hotel and we'll just make something up."

"Bucky, Damnit! Just let me speak, okay?" Steve let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair. Bucky knew him well enough to know that was something he did when he got nervous. "It's day four, you jerk..." He trailed off, sighing softly. "And I think i've already lost."

Bucky froze, jaw gaping as he stared at Steve. Had he heard correctly? "I..." 

"God Bucky i'm so sorry," He whispered, a single tear slipping down his face. "This isn't fair to you at all, dragging you through all of this and..." Steve couldn't meet his gaze. "And now I'm not even sure that i'm straight anymore."

Joy and happiness flooded through Bucky, and suddenly the only thing he wanted was to pull Steve close and kiss away all the sadness and fear glimmering in his eyes. "You're gay?" He had to ask, needed to hear him say it again.

Steve weakly nodded, looking as if the the admission was physically tearing him apart. "I think so..." He murmured quietly, and Bucky could only  _imagine_  what Steve was going through right now. Going through his whole life completely convinced he liked girls, only to have the one thing he thought would never change flipped upside down within just a few days. "I'm almost positive..." He breathed, "And it's terrifying."

Bucky watched as the blond buried his face in his hands, wanting nothing more then to pull him into his arms. He would have, if it weren't for the numerous tubes and wires connected to him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Steve shrugged, looking completely miserable. "I don't even know anymore, Buck. I just... I gotta figure this out. I never thought it would end like this. Never in a million years."

"When did you find out?" 

"I don't know for sure, Bucky." Steve reminded him with a glance over his shoulder towards the brunette.  "It could just be everything that's happening with Sharon. It's a lot to handle-"

"Steve you're just making excuses now! Why can't you just  _admit_  it to yourself?!"

"Because i don't  _know!"_

"Sure you do. You're just too stubborn to admit it." Bucky knew he was crossing a line, but sometimes that was something he just had to do with the little punk. 

A flash of anger swept across Steve's face and he quickly turned on Bucky, gaze narrowed in exasperation. "What the hell are you doing, telling me what I am and what I'm not! That's low, Buck. I never imagined you would be that kind of person."

"Then you want to explain that kiss? The one  _you_ initiated _?_ Is that just something you do? Going around kissing guys when your life gets  _stressful!_?"

They glared at each other in an angry silence, Steve practically fuming. "God, you were always so oblivious," Bucky muttered, not hesitating as he reached upward, grabbing Steve's collar and pulling him down roughly to meet his lips. 

***

Steve was thoroughly pissed at this point. What the hell was Bucky thinking, telling him that he was gay when  _he_  didn't even know if he was? He had nothing even remotely kind to say to him at this point, only able to glare at the man he saw as his best  _friend_. Nothing more.

"God, you were always so oblivious," He heard Bucky say one moment, and the next the brunette was reaching out to grab his shirt, roughly yanking him down into a kiss. 

His eyes widened in shock and he struggled in an attempt to resist all the while his heart was pounding erratically in his chest. Was this panic? Fear? "Bucky, stop-" He tried, turning away from Bucky's lips only to have the other man's hands come up to grab behind his head, stilling him as he continued to struggle. His heart was racing, and he finally allowed himself to relax, carefully meeting Bucky's bright blue eyes to reveal a gaze filled with reassurance, silently telling Steve that everything was going to be okay. A long moment passed between them, their lips only millimeters apart. He could feel each of Bucky's warm breaths against his lips, smelling faintly of  peppermint and yesterdays coffee, along with the swift 'ba bum' of Bucky's own heart beating against his chest. 

Suddenly it didn't matter that he wasn't supposed to be there. It didn't matter that the hospital was full of people: doctors, nurses, and patients all going about there day, just outside the room. In that moment it was just him and Bucky. 

Slowly he allowed Bucky to pull him back down, their lips brushing gently before locking together like two pieces of a puzzle. His eyes fluttered shut, feeling the other man pulling him closer and Steve released a quiet moan, willingly letting the brunettes arms wrap around him. Steve quickly melted into the kiss, moaning softly as his breathing deepened. Bucky's hands tightened in his hair, lips parting to grant access to his tongue which Steve eagerly accepted, the taste of Bucky flooding into his mouth. Without breaking the kiss, he climbed onto the small hospital bed, getting lost in the brunette's mouth and feeling himself sink into the feel of the kiss, Bucky, warm and inviting against his own.  His own hands eventually found their way beneath Bucky's hospital gown, fingers brushing against his toned abs beneath the loose material.

"Steve," Bucky gasped, pupils blown wide, nearly covering the blue of his Irises. 

He felt Bucky rock up against him, and that was his last ounce of self restraint. Steve finally pulled back, eyes wild and desperate as he struggled to get the gown off, feeling Bucky do the same with his shirt before surging back down to recapture Bucky's lips with his own, passionately continuing from where they'd left off.

Suddenly the door opened and Doctor Banner walked in, gaze focused intently down at his clipboard. Steve froze, his shirt pulled off and tossed aside with Bucky caught up in his own garment, a look of horror on his face, and that was the moment the Doctor chose to glance up, eyes widening and jaw falling open as he took in the scene in front of him. 

They must look like quite a pair: Steve straddled on top with Bucky beneath him, lips red and swollen, a string of saliva connecting their lips. 

"Just when i think I've seen it all..." Doctor Banner muttered, irritation evident in his brown eyes. "I walk in to  _this_." Shaking his head, he jabbed a finger at Steve, gaze narrowing sharply. "You, out. Now."

Steve opened his mouth, looking as if he had every intention of arguing, though quickly thought better of it as his mouth snapped shut. 

" _Now."_ Doctor Banner repeated more forcefully, and finally Steve snapped into action, nodding as he awkwardly disentangled himself from Bucky who was staring at him as if he was the whole damn sky. Steve climbed off the small bed, turning away from the brunette as he prepared to walk away. That man who had walked in through those doors earlier was gone. He was a different person now, and he didn't know how he felt about that just yet. Steve hadn't taken more then a step away from the bed when he felt Bucky's hand grab his wrist. He turned around to see Bucky sitting up, gaze filled with so much love that it made Steve's heart miss a beat. It had always been there, he realized. He had just never noticed it before.

_Without losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven?_

 "I love you," Bucky murmured, leaning forward to kiss Steve a final time before the doctor was whisking him off, leading him out of the room, and Steve could only stare back at him, Bucky's confession echoing in his ears.

_Without changing a part of me, how do i get to heaven?_

The door was swiftly shut behind him, leaving Steve in a daze as he turned back to stare at the one barrier separating him from the man he realized his heart was starting to beat for.

_So if i'm losing a piece of me, maybe i don't want heaven..._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Bucky in the hospital:_

__

__

__

 

_Steve staring off into the distance:_

__

_Doctor Banner walking in on Steve and Bucky:_

__

 

 


	8. I'm just a lost boy, ready to be found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most likely this is the second to last chapter unless I get some other great idea for the plot, but either way enjoy!
> 
> Here is the long awaited happy ending you were all waiting for ;)

Natasha was waiting for him as he exited the hospital, eyes wide and dazed, along with the rapid beat of his heart pounding in his chest. He slowly got into the car, gaze unblinking as he shut the door behind him, letting out a swift breath.

"I love you," Bucky had told him, leaving Steve in his current predicament: Overwhelmed and not quite knowing which way was up.

"How'd it go?"

_Wouldn't it be great if I had an answer to that question?_

Steve shook his head, shrugging as he attempted to process what had just happened. He would need time...a lot of it. "I don't have a fucking clue," He answered flatly, head falling back against his seat.

Natasha nodded, knowing Steve would open up when he felt ready. "Is he doing alright?"

The blond could only nod, head spinning and wanting nothing more than to get out of the car and go back to Bucky. "I... I need to talk to Sharon..." He whispered, chest tightening in fear. "In person." He looked towards Natasha who's gaze widened slightly in realization, though she said nothing. Instead she pulled out her phone, typing in Sharon's number as Steve let his face drop into his hands.

She answered immediately.

"All yours," Natasha murmured, handing Steve her phone. They both knew Sharon wouldn't answer if she saw Steve's caller ID.

"Hello?"

Steve swallowed, feeling sweat bead down the back of his neck. "Hey, Sharon..." He hadn't called her babe. That was a first, and he wondered if she'd noticed. "I... I think we need to talk."

"You're right, baby... I have so much I need to apologize for."

And shit, if this wasn't going to be hard enough. Now she wasn't even mad at him.

"I'm at Starbucks right now if you want to meet me."

Steve swallowed, glancing out the window of the car which was still parked in the parking lot. "The one by Francis Hospital?"

"Yeah, it's right next door. Does that work for you?"

"I'll be right in," He murmured softly, slowly taking the phone away from his ear and hanging up. "Do you mind waiting here?" He asked, handing the phone back to Natasha.

"Think it's going to end that badly?"

Steve shrugged, gaze sad and fearful. "I'm going to tell her I'm gay and have to cancel our wedding," He answered, opening the door back up as he got out. "Can't imagine any scenario where that goes smoothly."

Steve shut the door, taking a deep breath before making his way over to Starbucks, a million thoughts running through his head. Hopefully, they could still be friends after all of this, but he doubted it. He quickly wiped his palms against his jeans before opening the door, a little bell ringing to announce his entrance. He spotted her immediately, sitting in the middle of the cafe and a two person table. "Hey," He greeted, voice strained, and by the way she narrowed her eyes he knew she could tell.

Either way, a small smile appeared on her face, and  _no_ , this was going to make it so much harder. Why couldn't she be mad at him? He was about to break up with her and here she was welcoming him with open arms? She leaned in to kiss him but Steve quickly turned away, pretending he had to cough.

The guilt was creeping up on him like ivy climbing up a wall.

A worried look flashed across Sharon's gaze but it disappeared almost as soon as it had arrived and she laughed softly, shaking her head. "You're not getting sick, are you?"

Steve only had the heart to smile back, knowing any words would just be more lies. This was where the truth would come out.

"Look, baby... I'm so sorry. I've been thinking a lot about what happened, and... The way I reacted was completely inappropriate. I know we're tight on money, and I want you to know that accepting the bet was the right choice.

 _You're damn right_ , Steve thought, remembering the way he felt as Bucky just about kissed the life out of him. It was if he'd been taken to heaven and back.

Steve slowly nodded, feeling his throat start to close up. She wasn't supposed to be apologizing. She should be yelling at him right now, telling him what a horrible person he was. It would make it so much easier.

"So were you already here?" Sharon motioned for him to sit down, leaning back casually as if it was just another one of their dates.

"Next door," He explained, sitting down across from her. "I was n-"

"What?" Sharon interrupted, eyes widening, "Are you okay? Why were you at the hospital?"

Steve felt the panic slowly creeping in, his throat tightening as he tried to find the words to speak. "Sharon. I need to explain something," he murmured, meeting her gaze. "and I don't want you to say anything until I'm finished."

_What am I doing? I have everything i could ever want..._

Atleast he used to. But then he lost a bet and realized how much he really  _didn't_  have.

Sharon silently stared at him, giving the smallest nod.

"I was with Bucky at the hospital," He began, voice steady for the first time in ages. "God, okay. There's no easy way to explain this..." Steve slowly drew in a breath, holding it for a count of two seconds before releasing it, gripping the table to steady himself. "You're right about telling me the bet was a good idea. I discovered something about myself that I didn't know existed, and as soon as I did..."

_I love you_

"I realized I've finally found who I am."

Steve suddenly couldn't meet her gaze.

"I haven't felt anything with you..." He continued, softly, remembering every time they'd kissed and feeling so  _empty_.

the tables had turned. Steve was now the mountain lion, getting ready to rip the sheet's heart wide open.

"I never thought it would end like this, but... I think I'm falling in love with Bucky."

The words were out.

Steve had never seen so much sadness in one person before, but Sharon was a perfect example of someone who had lost their entire future in the span of a second.

"I'm so sorry it came to this...You'll find someone else, someone so much better than me. Someone who deserves you."

Sharon shook her head, trying so hard to remain strong but she was gradually breaking. In one swift movement, she slipped the ring off her finger, placing it down on the table in front of Steve. "I have to go," She whispered, quickly standing up and wiping a hand under her eye as the tears started welling up in her gaze.

For the second time, Steve watched as she walked away.

This time, however, she wouldn't be coming back.

The wedding was off, leaving one more call to make. It could wait, though. Tony's ego boost could be held off until tomorrow.

***

Steve had gone back to the hotel that night, though he had never felt so alone before. He hadn't been in the room without Bucky, and he quickly found he wouldn't be able to sleep that night.

 _Only a few more hours,_  Steve encouraged himself, painfully glancing towards the clock.

It was 4:45. He could pick Bucky up at 8 am.

Steve groaned softly, sitting up in bed and picking up his phone. He just needed to hear his voice.

 _It's nearly 5 am_ , his conscience reminded him. The other man would be asleep.

Little did he know, Bucky was staring at his phone debating the same thing.

Biting his lip he hesitantly punched in Bucky's number, and to his surprise, Bucky answered almost immediately, murmuring a soft "Hello?" through the phone.

Steve felt his heart rate quickly spike up upon hearing him, unable to keep the grin from blossoming across his face. "Hey, Buck," he murmured, finally laying down, exhaustion able to sweep over him at last. "Did I wake you?"

"No," the tired voice replied. "Couldn't sleep."

"Me neither..." Steve hesitated, thinking back to the hospital. "Did... did you mean what you said?"

"What did I say, Stevie?" Bucky's tone was laced in amusement, and of course he was going to make Steve say it, the little shit.

"You told me you loved me," Steve answered softly, fear gripping his heart. Maybe it had just been said in the moment. Maybe he hadn't really meant it. "...Was it true?"

"Steve, you're as dumb as hell sometimes, you know that?"

Steve gave a weak smile.

"Of course I meant it, you punk." The other man sighed softly. "I've been in love with you for so long..."

_For so long_

How did he never notice?

"You never told me," he breathed, suddenly feeling the distance of how far away Bucky was.

The brunette hummed softly. "And ruin our friendship? You never once doubted your sexuality, Steve. There was no point in telling you."

Steve nodded, wanted nothing more than to in Bucky's arms in that moment. "I told Sharon," he admitted, taking a deep breath before continuing. "The wedding's off..." He trailed off, suddenly finding the words difficult to say. "I lost the bet, and...she know's I'm falling in love with you."

A soft gasp followed his words before Bucky whispered, voice filled with emotion, "Steve..."

"I'm falling in love with you," he repeated. "I'm falling so hard, Bucky."

•••

Bucky must have died and gone to heaven. There was no way Steve felt the same. Yet here he was, sitting alone in the dark hospital room with Steve pouring his heart and soul out to him. If he'd known that all it would take was a kiss-which he was slowly starting to believe he'd been dropped into some gay fairy tale with some tragic plot that had some happy ending- then he would have kissed Steve ages ago.

"I'm falling in love with you," He heard Steve repeat, his words sending chills up his spine. "I'm falling so hard, Bucky."

And Bucky couldn't help but smile, glancing briefly at the clock.

5:30. Two and a half hours till he could see the man he'd given his heart to. "About damn time," He replied, head falling back gently against his pillow. Rough and uncomfortable, smelling like all the rest of the hospital. He hated it, but none of that seemed to matter anymore. Steve may not love him back just yet, but he'd already waited 30 years. He would keep waiting for as long as it took.

They ended up talking until the sun had risen and 8 am arrived before he even noticed it. A knock sounded at the door, echoing throughout the room and announcing the arrival of one of the doctors or nurses. Sure enough Doctor Banner walked in, reporting that they were releasing him with a clean bill of health. The doctor helped him into the wheelchair, insisting it was part of the protocol, regardless of the fact that he was, "Perfectly capable of walking."

"Steve?" Bucky put the phone back up to his ear. He could hear noise in the background on the other end of the line and couldn't help but wonder where the blond could be.

"Yeah, Buck?" Steve sounded distracted, and Bucky frowned as he listened to him speaking to someone else.

"Steve, they're letting me out right now... I was wondering if you'd be able to come pick me up...?"

When no reply came, Bucky pulled the phone away from his ear as he was wheeled down the hallway, realizing the line had gone dead.

_Maybe his phone died..._

The doors to the waiting room opened automatically as soon as the wheelchair got in range, and Bucky's gaze widened in shock because Steven Fucking Rogers was standing right there, smack dab in the middle of the room.

Of course he was.

_You make my heart shake, bend and break_

"Screw the wheelchair," Bucky muttered, pushing himself out of the chair.

_But I can't turn away, and it's driving me wild._

Bucky threw himself at Steve, wrapping him tightly in his arms...

And then they were kissing, Bucky starved of Steve's love and Steve kissing back, willing to give everything in his heart to the brunette.

It was perfect, the kiss dragging on and on, and as they slowly returned to Earth from their temporary high, it didn't even matter that they had an entire crowd of people watching the show: Some spiteful glares, others grinning excitedly, gazes shining with approval, and then there were the mothers in the corner, covering their children eyes so they didn't see the two grown men kissing.

None of it mattered.

Bucky was happy. Happier than he could ever remember being, because, against all odds, Steve could be  _his_. "I love you," He whispered, into the blond's ear as they rocked back and forth, holding on tight to each other, as if either of them let go they would be woken up from whatever this dream was to find themselves back in reality. "I love you so much."

And it was okay if Steve wasn't ready to say it back, because he would get there eventually, and that was all that mattered to Bucky.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pics and Gifs: (More will be added)

 

Steve and Bucky kissing in the hospital waiting room:

Credit to picture:  https://secure.static.tumblr.com/7cb6e224986849e59ad0202014041a7a/safb1ik/v3Yng876r/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_2oz07s47f9gks84s4wwoo8kco_640.jpg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment your ideas if you have any plot ideas :)


	9. Only fools fall for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp I thought this roller coaster was coming to an end, but thanks to your comments and ideas it looks like we're going back up another hill! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, don't forget to drop a comment and tell me what you think!

>  

  
"Steve?" Bucky breathed softly, their bodies both stripped of clothes and wrapped up in the bed sheets. He gently sucked a hickey onto the other man's neck, heart fluttering in his chest with each intake of breath.

After leaving the hospital they'd both gone straight back to the hotel and spent the rest of the day in bed, now comfortingly tangled up in each other's arms.

Steve blinked open his eyes, moaning softly in response.

Pulling away from the blond's clavicle he released a gentle sigh before laying his head down against Steve's chest, silently tracing a pattern down his side, and soon enough Steve's hands came to rest atop his head, fingers gently running through his hair.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," Bucky continued sadly, sitting up slowly to meet Steve's gaze. By the look on his face, it was clear that he hadn't thought that far ahead in their new relationship.

It was day 6. Tomorrow evening he would be leaving to go back to LA. His home.

Except, funny enough, he always remembered a certain saying that said, "Home is where the heart is."

He'd given his heart to Steve.

He' d never been in a long distance relationship before, and there was no way he could ever ask Steve to uproot his life to move to Las Angelas with him, as much as he wanted it. Steve's whole life was here: His friends, memories, home... Everything Bucky had was back on the West Coast.

"But, Bucky..." Steve's eyes were wide as he sat up; Bucky quickly moving to get off of him and wrapping the sheets around his lower half. "Now? Can't you extend your stay? After everything we went through, we're finally at a stable point..."

Bucky only shook his head, a tear slipping down his cheek. He didn't want to leave, either. If he had a choice he would leave everything he'd grown to know back In California in a heartbeat for Steve. "I have to take care of Rebecca..." He murmured sadly, knowing his younger sister needed him home. He was all that she had left of their family, as both of his parents had long since passed.

And of course, Steve nodded, understanding as always. "Then I want to make these last few hours worth remembering," He murmured, leaning forward and taking Bucky's lips against his own.

So much had changed in the short week he'd been back in Brooklyn. Who would have thought that he'd be going back home from a bachelor party, only to have said bachelor his new boyfriend?

Bucky deepened the kiss, pressing Steve back against the mattress with a soft groan while Steve eagerly allowed himself to be pushed back, rocking his hips up gently to meet the brunette's own. "Hey, Baby," He murmured, pausing as he crossed his arms over the blond's chest, head resting on the back of his hand.

"Hmm?"

"Did you ever tell Tony you lost the bet?" He punctuated his words by pressing a gentle kiss against Steve's lips, smirking when the blond groaned, shaking his head.

"Damn it, I completely forgot..."

Bucky laughed craning his neck to nibble at Steve's earlobe. "You sure? You just "forgot?"

Steve nodded, laughing softly. "Yes you jerk, I forgot." Rolling his eyes when Bucky looked unconvinced he gently pushed Bucky off of him, sitting up in bed and searching for his phone.

"Wait, are you going to call him now?" Bucky located the other man's phone, tucked away under the covers, and handed it to him, blinking in surprise upon seeing the time. It was 7:00. They really had spent the entire day in bed. Not that he was complaining...

Steve didn't answer, instead quickly slipping on his boxers-Wait no, Bucky's boxers before bending over to grab his pants, silently swearing under his breath as he glanced over his phone.

"We going somewhere, Stevie?"

"Shit, no, fuck." Steve quickly tossed Bucky his pants, a sudden look of panic taking over his face.

"Steve?"

Steve turned to meet Bucky's gaze, eyes wide.

Loud voices echoed outside of their room in the hallway, but Bucky thought nothing of it. They were irrelevant.

"I stopped replying to Tony," Steve explained, quickly throwing on a shirt.

Except they weren't.

"He's coming at 7:00."

It was 7:03.

Suddenly the sound of a key card being inserted into the door alerted Steve, and Bucky had just enough time to pull up his pants as the door swung open, revealing Tony Stark in all of his glory.

***

Steve froze, a million thoughts racing through his head about what could be going on in Tony's head.

He was not prepared for this.

"Well well well," The billionaire called, voice echoing off the walls. "If it isn't Steve 'Straight as a bent pen' Rogers, and Bucky 'soon to be Rogers' Barnes." Tony made his way into the suite, a look on his face that scream 'I just won the lottery!'

well, he wasn't exactly wrong.

"So," He continued, taking in Bucky's half naked Body with a quick sweep of his gaze. "I spend days trying to get ahold of you, Rogers, only to find out you've been at it with your..." Tony made a waving motion with his hands, seeming to be at a loss for words. "What are you guys, anyway? This still part of the bet? Some experimentation going on?"

Steve sighed, shaking his head as he walked over to Tony. "No," He admitted truthfully. "The wedding's been off since this morning..."

A look of shock swept over the other man's face but was quickly replaced with a look of complacency.

"Congratulations," He added, holding out his hand. "You won."

Tony blinked in surprise, though shook Steve's hand, appearing to be at a loss for words. "I..."

"-Don't." Steve interjected, glancing over to see Bucky had disappeared back into their bedroom, most likely to put on a shirt. Too bad. "This is tough enough as it. All I'm going to say is this: You were right. I'm gay. Not even Bi, just gay. Bucky and I are together, and I guess I'm supposed to thank you now, so..." Steve smiled, watching as Bucky walked back into their main room, this time with a tight fitted t-shirt on. "Thank you."

"Never in a million years," Tony said with a laugh, "did I think I would have the slightest chance at winning this bet." Pausing he reached to take out his wallet from his pocket, opening it up to reveal several large wads of cash. "You are-were- literally the straightest guy I know. I actually came her to give you the money a day early. I was that convinced I would end up losing.

Bucky came up behind Steve, laughing softly as he wrapped his arms around the blond's chest, kissing the back of his neck softly. A blush bloomed across Steve's face, though he was unable to hold back a laugh of his own at the look of astonishment on Tony.

"This is...wow, it's going to take some getting used to," the older man murmured truthfully, scratching the back of his neck. "Too bad I'll never be able to be 'uncle Tony' to any of your kids, though."

Steve smirked, glancing back at Bucky. "We might be able to work something out..."

"Steve!" Bucky laughed, smacking the back of his head playfully. "We're not even married yet!"

The blond paused, slowly letting the other man's words filter. "...yet?" Steve gently pulled out of Bucky's hold, turning around to face the brunette.

Bucky took a deep breath, gaze suddenly earnest. "You're it for me, Stevie..." He admitted, glancing at Tony was looking very uncomfortable. This was not an environment he was used to. "It's alright if marriage isn't your thing, but..." He bit his lip, taking Steve's hand in his own, finger brushing against the top of the blond's ring finger absent-mindedly. "I just want you to know, I'm with you 'till the end of the line." Bucky gave a sheepish smile, leaning into Steve's arms as he was quickly wrapped in the blond's embrace.

'Till the end of the line...

"Just give me time," He murmured after a moment, heart pounding rapidly in his chest as he turned over each of Bucky's words.

Marriage? He wasn't even sure if he was in love, yet... At this rate, he had no doubt that within no time he'd be very much in love with the other man, but it was all still so soon. Just only a few days ago he was living a straight life; now finding himself wrapped in a man's arms...

My boyfriend's arms...

Bucky nodded in understanding, his blue orbs filled with love and devotion. "We have all the time in the world," he replied, finally pulling away from Steve, a warm smile flashing across his face.

"So! If you two love birds are done..." Tony cleared his throat, faking a gagging noise. "Honestly, I was half convinced that you were joking, Steve, but don't worry, you cleared that doubt right up." The billionaire gave an uneasy laugh, walking over to sit down on the couch and making himself at home. "Anywayyyy, come on over here, Rogers, let's talk business."

Steve raised an eyebrow questioningly, looking to Bucky who simply shrugged, following the blond as he did as Tony asked. He sat down beside Stark on the couch, a small smile appearing on his face as Bucky sat down on the ground, leaning back against Steve's legs.

Maybe love was a lot closer on the horizon than Steve originally thought.

"So now that Steve has figured out his sexuality, no thanks to me," Tony added, pulling out a tablet that was way too advanced for their time, and quickly began typing, earning an eye roll from Steve.

"You know it's true," Bucky interjected with a laugh, followed by a sharp cry of pain as Steve jabbed him in the side.

"Who's side are you on?" Steve asked with a laugh, leaning down to kiss his cheek and running a hand down his side in an apologetic gesture.

Bucky kept laughing, rubbing his side. "God! Yours, Steve! It's just, Tony did-"

Steve shut him up with a harsh glare.

"Now as I was saying," Tony continued, clearly starting to regret having ever made the bet, "We have to organize a coming out party for Steve-o."

"What?" Steve and Bucky both said at the same time, though Tony continued on as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"Barnes you're leaving tomorrow, right?"

When Bucky slowly nodded Tony quickly typed something up, frowning slightly. "That might be a problem but I suppose we could make it work... What time's your flight?"

Steve was still struggling to catch up with where this conversation was going, having gotten lost at 'Coming out party.' "Woah, woah, woah. Hold on. What? Tony, I don't need to announce to the entire world that I'm gay."

"So Barnes? Flight time?" Leave it to Tony to steer a conversation.

"Uhh... 8:00 in the afternoon..."

The philanthropist nodded, typing something down. "So we'll invite our whole friend group, sound good?"

"Tony, I don't need a coming out party!"

Tony simply smirked, hitting a final button before shutting his tablet and standing up. "Email's sent, everyone's invited to a get-together, tomorrow at 4:00." He winked, making his way towards the door to the hotel room. "Don't worry, Steve! You'll thank me later, just like I said you would for the bet!" And with that the billionaire walked out, shutting the door behind him, leaving behind the fading words of, "I'm never wrong!"

Steve groaned, head falling back against the couch. "What have I gotten myself into..."

In response Bucky stood up, bending over to kiss him before walking into the kitchen. "Come on, Steve, I'm making dinner. Then we gotta pick out an outfit for your party.

And really, how could he say no to that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even the smallest comments make my day so please tell me what you thought!


	10. Leave this blue neighborhood, never knew loving could hurt this good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOW okay, so thank you to all of you who left comments on the previous chapter! I really thought this roller coaster was coming to an end but it looks like we're going back up hill!
> 
> Prepare for disgustingly cute fluff and a ton of drama in this chapter. Also, bumping up the rating tag for this one as there is some mature content towards the end.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! It's twice as long as all the others since I got a bit carried away. #Noregrets

"Stteeeevveee."

The sound of Bucky's voice pulled Steve out of a deep sleep, causing him to groan as he irritably rolled over, shoving a pillow over his face.

"Steve!" His voice came again, louder as he entered their bedroom and proceeded to yank the pillow away from the blond.

Steve glared accusingly at his boyfriend, frustrated that he'd been woken up. "What." He grumbled, eying him carefully as he sat down on the bed.

"Babe," Bucky started, nail tapping against his thigh. "We don't have a suit for you."

Steve only blinked, staring in befuddlement at this unpredictable human who he was  _apparently_  very infatuated with. "Why would we need a suit?" Suppressing a yawn, Steve pulled the covers off of him, unable to hide his amusement as Bucky's gaze gradually drifted down to his stomach. "You know, we should go running."

Bucky stared at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"C'mon, it would be fun. Do you have any workout clothes? Under armor?"

Bucky snorted, rolling his eyes. "I cannot believe you, Steve. Really, how does the thought of running this early in the morning even  _slightly_  appeal to you?"

"Because..." Steve murmured, scooting over towards the other end of the bed where Bucky was sitting. "I'd get to see  _you,"_ he whispered, voice low and husky as he licked his lips, a suggestive gleam in his eye. "all sweaty and out of breath when we're done."

"Jesus Steve, you really are insatiable." Despite his words, the gleam in Steve's gaze was reflected in Bucky's as he pulled the blond closer, smashing their lips together in desperation.

"Mhmm," Steve agreed after a moment, laughing softly as he pulled away, the taste of Bucky in his mouth. "So, running?"

Bucky sighed, cradling the blond's face in his hand and running a thumb over his lip. "If I say yes..." he hummed softly, leaning close enough so that their lips brushed. "Will I get to see more of this later tonight?"

Steve's face suddenly fell and he pulled away, mood evaporating into thin air. "Right. While you're on your way back to California."

He hadn't meant for his words to come out so harshly, but by the look on Bucky's face, they had definitely been received that way.

It quickly became apparent that Bucky had forgotten this was their last day together, and Steve watched as the brunettes face changed, sadness slowly filling his blue hues. That's the last thing in the world he ever wanted to do to him. "Baby, I'm sorry. God," he murmured, voice soft. "I just don't know how I'm going to live without you..."

Bucky sighed, taking the blond's hand and pulling them up close to his chest. "I love you, Steve. I love you with all my heart, and a few thousand miles apart is never going to change that." He sighed softly, meeting his gaze. "Do you understand?"

Steve nodded, tears forming in his eyes as he took the initiative to wrap him in his arms. After a moment holding each other, Steve finally broke the embrace, blue orbs shining once again. "So about that run, then?"

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. "That's disgustingly domestic, Stevie." He replied with a roll of his eyes.

"You didn't say no," Steve observed with a smirk.

"No, I didn't." 

With a grin the blond took his hand, leading him away from the bed as they went to hunt down more appropriate attire.

***

Bucky could safely say that Steve had shown him the pinnacle of human exhaustion without even breaking a sweat himself. They had finally made it to a stopping point- well at least for him, unlike Steve who was fucking _jogging in place-_ as they waited for the crosswalk light to change. Meanwhile, Bucky was doubled over doing his damnest not to barf up a lung. " _Steve_ ," he gasped, slowly straightening. "That's it, if we keep going I'm going to wind up collapsed on the ground and that'll be the last you'll see of Bucky Barnes."

Steve laughed, finally slowing to a stop. "Well, either way, it's at least two miles to get back."

At that comment Bucky groaned, done with life and choosing the easier option of laying down on the sidewalk as a means of avoiding hyperventilation, and or possibly death. 

No, he was not being dramatic. 

Okay, fine. Maybe a little.

"Don't you dare ask me to move, Steve Rogers, I swear to God."

Steve quickly closed his mouth.

Bucky stared up at the sky, watching the clouds as he willed his heart to calm down. "And to think I thought I was in shape," He groaned, earning a laugh from Steve. 

"C'mon Bucky, you can't lay there forever."

"Ohohoh," Bucky retorted, gaze narrowing. "Watch me."

And then Steve was lowering himself down onto one knee, arms coming down towards Bucky, and the next thing he knew he was being picked up bridal style. "Guess I'll just have to carry you home, then."

 _home_.  Images of a future with Steve flooded through his mind: Sitting out on their patio as they watched their kids running around in their backyard, Holding hands, walking down a sandy beach with the sun slowly slipping past the horizon as the sky filled with a multitude of colors, growing old together...Bucky sighed softly, unable to argue with this; head coming to rest against the crook of his lover's neck. "I love you, Steve..." The brunette whispered softly into the other man's ear, feeling the gentle beat of the blond's heartbeat against his chest as he was carried. 

Steve hummed quietly in response, and Bucky spent the next few minutes telling himself that it was okay. 

_He'll say it when he's ready._

About halfway back he told Steve he was ready to be put down, which Steve did, though reluctantly. They ended up walking hand in had in comfortable silence, and suddenly his sunset fantasy didn't seem like a fantasy anymore.

* * *

They arrived back at the hotel, and once again Bucky found himself bringing up the point of, "Steve we don't have a suit for you!"

"Sorry to break it to you, baby, but formality isn't usually in Stark's description of a party." Steve laughed, grabbing a casual t-shirt and tossing it to Bucky before choosing one for himself.

Bucky shrugged, catching the shirt easily. "What time's it at?" The brunette glanced at his phone, seeing the time 2:36 flash across the screen. "4:00 right?"

"Just enough time to shower," Steve confirmed, laying out his outfit on the end of the bed. "You want to go first?"

Bucky flashed him a suggestive look, shrugging slightly. "Care to join me?"

A blush spread across Steve's cheeks and he strode forward, catching Bucky's lips against his own. "I was starting to think you weren't going to ask."

They both stripped each other of their clothes before stepping into the shower one at a time, enjoying the last few hours they had with each other.

* * *

It was a few minutes past 4:00 when they finally pulled up to Starks tower, though everyone usually arrived early, so according to Tony's schedule, they were at least a half hour late.

"You look beautiful," Steve murmured, meeting Bucky's gaze, the light of the front porch washing over them and casting a golden glow over the brunette. 

Beautiful didn't even begin to cover it.

He kissed Bucky gently on the lips right before the door opened, revealing an almost possibly drunk Tony Stark.

"About time you two showed up. I was starting to get questions about the point of this party."

"What, people don't throw parties just to hang out these days?"

"Guess not," The billionaire said with a shrug, holding the door open as they walked in, looking like just a couple of dudes being dudes to any bystanders who didn't know any better.

"Yo Steve!" Sam appeared from around the corner, gaze lightening up as soon as he spotted Steve and Bucky, both of them standing at least a foot away from each other, not wanting to arouse suspicion. It had been a mutual agreement that this night would turn into a game of, 'How long can these people go without figuring out that you're gay as fuck and he's in love with you? "Bucky!" The dark skinned man pulled them each into a quick hug, gesturing for them to follow him into the room. 

"Everyone else is already here," Tony explained from behind Steve. "Thought we could start off the night with a round of drinks. Maybe a game of truth or dare..." 

Bucky tossed an amused glance towards Steve who simply rolled his eyes. 

They greeted the rest of the group as soon as they walked in, all happy to see Steve just as much as they were Bucky. Everyone was there: Natasha, Thor, Clint, Rhodey, Pietro, Scott.

"Let's get this party started, shall we?!" Not a moment later, loud music was blasting through the speakers as the lights dimmed, casting the room into a romantic glow.

_what's next, he going to start a slow song?_

Steve just sent a glare towards Tony who simply winked, knowing exactly what he was doing, the bastard.

"So Steve!" Clint called over the music, making his way over with a drink in each hand, offering one to Steve who gratefully accepted. He'd need a ton of these if he was going to come out to this bunch by the night's end. "How'd your week with Bucky go? You end up falling in love?"

_Ohh if only you knew._

But he didn't. None of them knew except Natasha, who he knew hadn't told anyone, and Tony who wasn't even supposed to find out that early, anyway. 

Clint was laughing as if there was no way the answer to his question could be yes, shaking his head in amusement.

"Don't worry, you'll get the full story later on," Steve replied with a laugh of his own, spotting Bucky at the edge of his vision who appeared to be having a great time, laughing with Natasha. 

Since the hospital, this was the first time they'd really been apart. Every moment of every day they really hadn't been more than a few feet apart, and the distance was slowly eating at him. He'd give anything to have Bucky all to himself just as it had been the in the past several days, though maybe he was just being selfish.

_Or maybe I'm in love..._

Steve pushed the thought aside, locating Sam with a sweep of his gaze. He downed his drink in a few swift gulps before setting the glass down and walking over, nodding in greeting. "Having fun?"

"Hell yeah, you?"

Steve nodded, opening his mouth to add something when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around, gaze falling on bright blue eyes and dark brunette hair. 

"Hey, Bucky," He murmured, feeling his heartbeat quicken at the sight in front of him. "Can I help you?" He added with a smirk, eyes sparkling with affection for the other man.

Maybe gorgeous better fitted his description. 

"Want one?" Bucky had a shot glass in each hand, offering one to Steve who accepted with a smile. 

Steve tilted his head back as he downed the shot, seeing Bucky do the same. He'd never been a lightweight, but he could already feel a gentle buzz settling in. 

Bucky suddenly looked very  _very_  kissable.

"Who's ready for Truth or Dare?!" Tony turned the music down to make it easier to hear and moments later they were all gathered around the couch. The alcohol had clearly done its job as everyone seemed to be relaxed and enjoying themselves, even James Rhodes, usually serious and tight strung was now laughing along with everyone else.

"Nat, you want to start?" Steve saw the opportunity and ran with it, knowing Natasha was the only one who knew the answer to everyone else's burning question: Are you two gay for each other?

He glanced over at Bucky beside him who was leaning over towards Pietro, whispering something in the other man's ear and earning a laugh.

Natasha smirked, nodding in agreement. "Sure, why not." She fell silent for several long moments, lips pursed in thought. Finally, she leaned forward, picking up a beer bottle that was now empty and laying it down on its side. "Tony, truth or dare?"

"Dare," came the expected reply.

"Spin the bottle," She instructed, a smirk appearing on her face. "Whoever it lands on, you must take their shirt off using only your teeth.

Tony rolled his eyes, pulling the bottle towards the center of the coffee table before giving it a swift flick of his wrist. It went around once, twice, before finally slowing to a stop on Bucky.

Steve immediately felt himself stiffen, a possessive feeling surging through him. He caught Tony's subtle gaze, understanding that the brunette was seeking permission to take his boyfriend's  _shirt_  off with his  _mouth_.

Not much he could do without blowing his cover.

Steve offered a small nod, swallowing as Tony stepped over to Bucky, lowering himself down onto his knees and looking up to meet the brunette's gaze. "If I find out someone filmed this I'm going to be pissed," He warned before leaning forward; gripping the bottom of Bucky's shirt between his teeth as he gently began to work the fabric up and over the brunette's body.

"Jesus," Steve muttered, deciding in that instant that this was by far the hottest thing he'd ever seen. 

It didn't help that Bucky held his gaze the entire time. 

"Is he supposed to keep his shirt off?" Clint asked, glancing at Natasha.

"Why, you enjoying the view?" Bucky smirked, taking his shirt as Tony handed it to him, a proud grin on his face. 

_hell, yeah._

Clint rolled his eyes.

"You're tan as fuck and have a six-pack," Pietro stated with a laugh. "Kind of hard not to enjoy the view."

_The fuck? Was Pietro hitting on Bucky?!_

And then Bucky winked. He  _winked_.

Steve felt a surge of jealousy rush through him, subconsciously clenching his jaw as he watched Pietro casually flirting with Bucky as if it was no big deal. 

"Hey, why don't we just turn this into a spin the bottle Truth or Dare?" Thor suggested, and that was probably the best idea Steve had heard all night. 

Bucky shrugged, setting the bottle down and spinning it just like Natasha had done. It landed on Sam.

"Truth or Dare?" 

"Truth."

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, looking thoughtful. "Alright, Sam... If the entire rest of the human race was wiped out, and you could save one person in this room...Who would it be?"

"Damn, that's a loaded question," Sam responded with a chuckle, gaze sweeping over everyone gathered around the table. "If I chose to be selfish I'd pick Steve, though then there'd be no one to continue the human race, so..."  The darker skinned man turned to his right, meeting Natasha's gaze. "Guess we'd be stuck with each other for the rest of eternity."

Natasha laughed, leaning back as she took a swig of her drink. 

"Steve, truth or dare?"

Steve hadn't even realized the bottle had been spun, having zoned out, lost in thought. "Dare," he decided uneasily.

"Spin the bottle again, and whoever it lands on, take a body shot off that person."

No big deal, Steve had done body shots before. He nodded, spinning the bottle as Sam got up to go find a lime and salt.

It was no big deal until it landed on Bucky. 

This was it. This was how Steve Rogers was going down. 

There was no way he'd get through this without everyone finding out about him and Bucky. 

"You only live once, Steve," Bucky said with a grin, tossing his shirt to the ground. "You want to do this?"

"Hey, he doesn't have a choice, it's truth or dare." Steve looked up to see Sam had returned, lime, salt and shot glass in his hands. "You know how this works?" He added, handing the contents over to Steve who nodded, turning towards Bucky who had laid down on the couch.

"You ready?" He murmured, suddenly grateful for the extra shot he'd taken beforehand. He positioned himself on top of Bucky, face quickly growing hot as a blush spread across his face. Swallowing, Steve leaned down, licking a stripe from Bucky's collarbone up to his ear.

 _There is no way I'm going to survive this._ That was one conclusion that he was sure about. 

Taking a deep breath he applied a liberal coating of salt over the now saliva-coated area, before picking up the lime between his teeth, moving forward to allow Bucky to take it from him. Could this get any hotter? 

Right, he still had the shot to take.

With steady hands, he carefully poured the shot onto Bucky's stomach before moving down in one swift movement, licking the salt up from his neck. He met Bucky's gaze when he came back up, feeling a warm feeling in his chest upon seeing that look of love shining in the brunette's gaze. He'd grown used to seeing it. It was always there, shining as bright as a lighthouse, lighting the way as it drew a lost ship to shore.

Steve was the lost ship, and he'd finally found his way home. 

Steve dove back down, lips meeting Bucky's stomach as he drank the shot, feeling dizzy with emotion. He finally took the lime from Bucky, though the look in the brunette's gaze was slowly driving Steve insane. It didn't matter that they were surrounded by a group of people who were all clapping for them, nor did it matter that they were supposed to be keeping their relationship a secret until the end of the party. "Screw it," he murmured, biting the lime to chase down the taste of liquor before tossing it aside, surging down to kiss Bucky. He could tell the brunette hadn't expected it, but soon enough he was kissing back with everything he had, tongue forcing Its way into Steve's mouth while he lost himself in the feeling. 

* * *

Bucky lost track of how long they'd been kissing for. Seconds, minutes, he couldn't even guess. All he knew was that when they finally pulled away, pupils blown wide, mouth gaping open with a string of Steve's saliva dripping down his lip, their crowd had been stunned silent. 

"Shit, you're not single?" Pietro finally broke the silence and Bucky couldn't help but laugh, leaning forward to gently nip Steve's lip. 

"Nah," He murmured, head spinning with the love he felt for this man. "Just wanted to make Steve jealous."

"You did an excellent job," The blond murmured, a small smile appearing on his face.

"Okay well that the actual  _fuck_  just happened." Sam interrupted, snapping them out of whatever lovesick daze they were in. "One of you better start talking."

"Steve's gay as fuck and Bucky's in love with him."

That about summed it up. Thanks, Tony.

"Since when?! The bet's off?! And why didn't you tell us this sooner?!"

Steve finally pulled back, sitting back on the other edge of the couch. "Since day 3, yes, and we wanted it to be a surprise. Any more questions?" 

He was met with a room full of blank stares, and then all at once as if a switch had been flicked, everyone started pulling out money, handing bills over left and right.

"Wait wait wait," Bucky murmured, watching in shock. "Did you all place bets on our bet?"

"Of course they did," Natasha answered with a laugh. "On whether or not Steve would end up straight at the end of the week."

"And?"

"And I have an extra 20 dollars," Thor announced, waving several bills in the air proudly.

"Unbelievable..." Steve murmured, rolling his eyes as Bucky crawled back over to him, pressing him down against the couch. 

"Go get a room!" 

They couldn't argue with that.

***

_"If the whole world was watching, I'd still dance with you._

_Drive highways and byways to be there with you._

_Over and over the only truth: everything comes back to you."_

They slowly swayed to the music, and Steve found that the song's lyrics had never been more relatable. He was pressed close to Bucky, eyes closed and head resting on his shoulder as they drank up their last few moments together.

_"You still make me nervous when you walk in the room,_

_them butterflies they come alive when I'm next to you,_

_over and over the only truth:_

_Everything comes back to you."_

6:00 Approached faster than any of them were prepared for, and as the song slowed to a stop, they came to the realization that their time together had, too.

"Bucky," Steve murmured quietly, pulling back to meet the brunette's gaze. "It's time to go." 

Sadness poured into the brunette's gaze, though he managed a small nod, blinking the tears that had quickly begun to form from his gaze. "Alright," He replied softly.

They said their goodbye's, and Steve felt like his heart was slowly being ripped apart as they walked out of Stark's tower, hand in hand.

The drive to the airport was a solid thirty minutes, though Steve would give anything to be able to stop time because it was moving too damn fast. They both sat in silence for the majority of the trip, aside from small comments here and there. It was too painful for either of them to say much, and before either of them knew what was happening, they were pulling up to the airport.

Steve numbly helped Bucky take his bags out of the car, though he felt as if he was slowly spiraling into a dark abyss that was sucking all the light out of his life. "Bucky," He murmured, knowing the brunette had to go. He'd miss his flight if he stayed much longer.

And it broke Steve's heart to see the tears flowing down Bucky's face, though he knew tears were flowing down his, too. 

"I love you, Steve," Bucky murmured, voice cracking with emotion as he pulled Steve in for a kiss. "This isn't goodbye," He continued, wiping his face with a hand. "It's a see you later."

Steve nodded, though fear was gripping at his heart. What If?

_What if this was goodbye._

"I love you," He repeated, letting out a shaky breath before picking up his bag, and with that he turned around and walked towards the airport, quickly merging into the sea of people until he was out of sight.

"I love you, too," he whispered. The realization had hit him like a train, but Steve had never been more certain of anything in his life. He was in love with Bucky. And it broke his heart to watch the love of his life walk away, with no way of knowing when they would see each other again. 

Bucky hadn't even heard him.

 

~~~~~~~ 

 

 Bucky and Steve kissing during the party:

 credit to The_Life_Of_Bucky_Barnes on instagram 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Don't be afraid to tell me what you think, I love hearing helpful criticism :) Any other plot ideas would be extremely helpful as well since I'm having trouble coming up with more plot ideas.
> 
> Love you all so much and thank you for all the support and sticking with me through this fic <3


	11. Take me to church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay so chapter 11 is finally here! Hope you enjoy!

_"Wakin' up to kiss you and nobody's there,_

_The smell of your perfume still stuck in the air,_

_It's hard..._

_Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running 'round_

_It's funny how things never change in this old town_

_So far from the stars..."_

It had been over a month since Bucky had left. Exactly 48 days of getting up in the morning, going about his day, and feeling as if his life had lost its purpose.

In a way, it had.

Steve sighed, staring at a blank canvas that would usually be filled with a rainbow of colors at this point. Ranging from the vibrant yellow's that represented happiness to the vivid reds reflecting his anger.

He'd lost those colors 48 days ago, and was now facing a palette of pastels. Dull, and lacking any emotion.

Giving up on his attempt at creativity, the blond secluded himself to his room, no longer at the hotel with Bucky gone, and fell back onto his bed where he tiredly put his earbuds in.

The same lyrics he'd had on repeat drifted through the speakers, sending him back to the night of his coming out party. The last time he could remember being happy, dancing to the sound of Nial's voice while he held Bucky close. The notes painted such a vivid picture in his mind: The smell of his baby's cologne, the heat of the other man's body pressed up against him as they swayed together, lost in the moment.

The regret.

_"And I want to tell you everything_

_The words I never got to say the first time around..."_

He'd finally told Bucky he loved him, though his words had been lost in the wind, watching as the love of his life disappeared from his sight.

_"And I remember everything_

_From when we were the children playing in this fairground_

_Wish I was there with you now."_

Steve realized he would give anything to go back to when they were kids, not knowing Bucky was secretly in love with him. If he had known, maybe he could have loved him too. 

And so it went, day after day, sinking deeper and deeper into whatever pit he was slowly slipping into. 

The word  _depression_  was floating like a cloudy haze in front of him.

He couldn't find joy in his life anymore, barely left his room, shut himself off from the rest of the outside world. It was his way of dealing with the grief and loss of the missing piece of his heart. 

His heart, like a glass sculpture, was now shattered into millions of pieces.

~~~

A loud knock sounded at his door, stirring him from a deep, dream-filled sleep. He'd been with Bucky, had about to tell him he loved him... just like every single night before. He had woken up right before the words slipped out of his mouth, every single time. "Damn it," He swore, tiredly rubbing his eyes as he got out of bed. He quickly pulled on a shirt and sweatpants before making his way over to the door, irritation evident in his gaze. The knock came again, more persistent this time and a half second later he unlocked the bolt, swinging the door open.

"Natasha? The hell are you doing here?" His voice came out hoarse, the crying and lack of use finally having taken its toll.  By the look on Natasha's face, it was apparent she was taking in his appearance, hair a mess, gaze tired and looking overall broken. 

"Oh my God, Steve what  _happened_  to you?!" 

He said nothing, instead stepping back as Natasha walked in. 

"I've been texting you, calling you-" She trailed off, entering the apartment with wide eyes. "What the hell has happened in here?!" Her gaze quickly swept the room, taking in the mess it had become. Trash everywhere, uncleaned dishes piled in the sink, dirty clothes stashed in every corner. "Oh my God..." She repeated softly, blue orbs slowly drifting back to meet Steve's gaze.

"I'll get around to it," He defended, honestly not having much of an opinion on the matter. "it's not as bad as it looks."

The redhead simply laughed, walking over to sit down at the kitchen table. "Not as bad as it looks? Jesus Steve, open your eyes! It looks like a tornado came through here!"

Steve shrugged, leaning against the wall. "Nat, what are you doing here? I know you didn't come to accuse me about my living conditions."

"I would have if I'd have  _known_ ," she replied, pulling out a sketch from under a pile of books that were stacked on the table.  It was of Bucky, laughing and looking off into the distance, metal arm reflecting the golden rays of a setting sun. "That's what this is all about," She realized, studying the penciled drawing with wide, curious eyes before turning the paper over. On the back the brunette was pictured again, though Steve had drawn himself as well, leaning in to kiss him, looking happier than she had ever seen him. "...You miss him."

Steve just shrugged, though his gaze was filled with sadness. Of course he missed him. He didn't even know what he had until it was gone. Until Bucky was gone. It had left him with a giant void that he just didn't know how to fill. His workplace was now filled with dozens of pieces of the brunette, some including him, others just portraits.

"Steve, this is getting unhealthy," Natasha murmured, gesturing around the room. "You're depressed as hell, you've locked yourself away in the apartment for at least weeks..." She paused, standing up and making her way over to the windows which were completely shaded by blinds, "and would it kill you to let a little bit of  _light_ in here?" She emphasized her words by opening the windows, frowning as Steve winced when light flooded the room. 

"Natasha, I'm fine..." He really didn't have the energy to argue with her, much less deal with her concern for his mental stability. So what if he was depressed? He'd already accepted that weeks ago. "I just need to be alone right now." He sat down on the couch, releasing a heavy sigh as his head fell into his hands. 

Natasha sighed, and Steve felt a rack of guilt hit him. She was just trying to help. always having his best interest in mind. 

"You don't need to worry about me," He added softly. "I'm going to get through this."

Lies. 

"I'm going to be fine."

And he knew she saw right through him, though she said nothing about it. "I'll be back tomorrow," She said instead, flashing him a look that told him not to argue. "We're going to get this placed cleaned up, whether you like it or not. Got it?"

"Sure." 

Nodding she offered him a small, reassuring smile. "He'll be back," She whispered, meeting his gaze as she walked over to sit down beside him on the couch, wrapping him in her arms. 

If only that was true. Bucky had Rebecca to take care of back home and couldn't just leave her whenever he felt like it. They spoke on the phone as often as possible, but if anything it just made the pain that much stronger. He often fell asleep to the sound of Bucky's voice, but it always left him feeling so alone in the morning, seeing as the line had gone dead and the bed was far too big for one person alone. 

"I know." He murmured, hugging her back. "Nat, I just..." he rubbed his eyes, doing everything in his power to hinder the tears but failing miserably. "I've finally fallen in love," he continued, leaning into her embrace, "...and now he's gone, and it  _hurts_."

_It hurts so much..._

He was falling apart without this man, and It both terrified him and amazed him at the same time. Bucky had come to be the sun at the center of his fucking universe, his gravitational pull drawing him in and he was doing everything in his power to keep from colliding with the burning ball of gasses that would surely destroy him.

"I know," Natasha murmured, rubbing his back comfortingly. They sat like that in comfortable silence, and Steve realized this was what he needed. A friend.

Steve finally looked up, taking a breath as he tried to calm himself. She frowned slightly, leaning forward and wiping a tear from his eye. 

He needed to be strong for once and stop letting his emotions get the best of him. "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

Natasha smiled at that, nodding in confirmation. "You think you'll be okay?" The question was expected, though he knew his answer wasn't something she would want to hear. 

"I'll be okay," he replied, gaze suddenly strong and confident. 

An act. It was all an act.

"You better be." Natasha replied, hugging him a final time before standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow, Rogers." Steve walked her to the door, waving before closing the door softly behind her. He waited, standing with his hand clutching the doorknob for several long seconds before his emotions rushed back to the surface and he slowly crumbled to the floor, tears flooding his gaze once again.

* * *

"Bucky the bus is here! Did you pack my lunch?!"

Bucky walked into the kitchen, grabbing Rebecca's lunch bag from the counter, smiling as he handed it to her. "We're out of swiss cheese so I had to use cheddar on your sandwich. I'll get more from the store today."

She took the bag from him, returning the smile. "Thanks. See you tonight!"

Today was her last day of 11th grade.

Bucky watched as Rebecca hurried out the door, dressed in her plaid uniform, happier than she'd been in a long, long time...

The death of their parents had been hard on both of them, though it had really taken a toll on Rebecca. 

Even though she was 18 and going off to college in two years, Bucky was still required to take care of his as her legal guardian. Not that he was complaining, but a lot had changed since his trip to Brooklyn. One thing was for sure, though: He could only pretend to be happy for so long knowing the love of his life was waiting for him on the other side of the continent.

Upon returning to LA he'd been bombarded with a barrage of questions from Rebecca the moment he'd stepped off the plane.

"How was the trip?"

"Did you have fun?"

"Bucky, why do you look like a love sick teenager?"

So he'd sat her down when they arrived home and laid it all out on the table. "Becca, do you remember Steve Rogers?" She had been so young at the time, only about seven or eight, though as she'd stated over a decade ago when they'd he'd been deported and she and his parents moved away, "One does not simply forget Steve Rogers."

Damn right.

"Of course," she had confirmed, the mention of Steve bringing a smile to her face. "He was your best friend? Didn't you love him?" 

The question had taken him aback, but he finally nodded, remembering telling her all those years ago. He had always told Rebecca everything. "Never stopped," he admitted quietly, catching the way her eyes widened slightly at his confession. She had been the first person he came out to, creating a bond between them that was unbreakable. "I went to his bachelor party," he continued, meeting her gaze. He knew she would understand. She had to. "He was getting married to this girl named Sharon Carter. Anyway, he made a bet with a friend: He couldn't go a week dating a guy without realizing he's gay."

"Were you that guy?"

He nodded. "The bet failed, he's gay, I'm in love, and frankly I'm not even sure which way's up."

"But he's back in Brooklyn," Rebecca pointed out, gaze filled with sympathy. 

"I know."

Brooklyn felt like worlds away.

The sound of his phone ringing snapped him back to reality and he quickly located his phone, retrieving it from his pocket as his gaze swept over the unknown number.

"Hello?" He answered, unable to even guess who could be calling. He didn't talk to a ton of people these days

"Bucky? Hey, It's Natasha." 

Bucky blinked in surprise, wondering how she'd gotten his number in the first place. "Oh! hey Nat, how's everything going? It's been awhile." 

62 days. It was hard not to keep track when every single day felt like a lifetime away from Steve.

"Yeah, everything's good. Well, sort of. Look, I stopped by Steve's place today," she began, and  _uh oh_.

 A sense of dread swept over him at those words. Something was wrong. 

"It's been months since anyone's heard from him. Tony told me not to worry, that he was probably caught up in work. So I tried calling him. He didn't answer. His texts never went on read. I decided to go check up on him, and...It wasn't good, Bucky. His place was a mess, he looked worse. I didn't want to worry you with this, but...I just don't know what else to do."

This was all his fault. He should never have left.

"I'll be on the first flight tomorrow morning." His mind was already made up as he quickly went in search of his suitcase, fear gripping his heart.

He expected Natasha to argue, tell him not to bother, but all she said was a soft,"Okay."

That scared him more than anything in the world.

* * *

Rebecca had arrived home late, having decided to go out partying with her friends. That was fine, It was her last day of Junior year. "Hey, Becca?" She smiled upon seeing him, stumbling slightly as she walked through the door. He made a mental note to scold her about drinking later. She was still a minor. "Something's come up," He continued, scooting over to make room for her on the couch. He fell silent, collecting his thoughts as Rebecca patiently waited. "I have to go back to Brooklyn... Steve needs me."

_And I need him._

"You're spending the summer with Alex at his lake house, right?"

Rebecca nodded. "He's coming by to get me tomorrow afternoon." Alex had been her best friend since they were little and had started dating a few months ago. Their relationship was just like his and Steve's, she'd pointed out at some point after he'd returned. 

"So you'll be fine if you don't see me in the morning?"

"I'm 18, Bucky," She reminded him, rolling her eyes. "I'm old enough to move out if I wanted to."

Bucky smiled, leaning forward to wrap her in a hug. "Now about the alcohol..."

* * *

Steve awoke with a groan, a loud knocking on the door pulling him swiftly from sleep. "Again?" He grumbled, tossing the covers away as he made his way to the door. "You said 10 am! It's only 8:00!" Steve threw open the door, expecting to see Natasha, though his heart stopped seeing Natasha wasn't the person standing at the entrance to his apartment. 

 _This is a dream_ , he concluded. _Or maybe I've died and this is heaven._  

He blinked, hope filling his chest when the person in front of him didn't disappear. "Bucky," he breathed, unable to react when the brunette moved towards him, wrapping him in his arms and hugging him as if the world was coming to an end and they wouldn't have a tomorrow. All Steve could do was hug back as if he was holding on for his life.

And then the tears started falling, though for the first time in months they weren't tears of sadness and heartbreak. Steve was crying because the love of his life was here, after so many long days and nights, they were together again. 

"Shh... Stevie, baby I'm right here. I'm here doll."

And Steve couldn't stop the sobs as they racked his body, so many emotions rushing over him like a tidal wave as he clung to the brunette. They had a lot to talk about, but for now, it was nice to pretend as if they had all the time in the world. 

Suddenly Bucky was peppering kisses down his face, and for the first time in 63 days, Steve felt like his heart was beating again. It felt surreal, though here they were. If this was a dream, then he sure as hell hoped he never woke up. "I love you," he breathed into the other man's ear, confessing his feelings out loud to him for the first time. "I'm in love with you, so fucking in love..." At his confession, Steve heard the other man's sharp intake of breath and the next thing he knew he was being shoved through the entrance of his apartment, door swiftly shutting behind them with a 'whoosh'. "I love you," he repeated, feeling as if no matter how many times he said it, they could never be enough for Bucky to  _really_  understand.

"Steve..." Bucky breathed, backing him up against the wall as their lips collided together, hungry and desperate after months of being apart. "Say it again," he pleaded, eyes wide as he picked Steve up, pulling his legs around his waist. 

"I love you, James Buchanan Barnes. I love you, Bucky." 

Not even a second later Bucky's soft lips were on his again, eyes fluttering shut and kissing him as if his life depended on it. It was everything he'd needed: Bucky pressed against him, the feel of his warm body, the taste of his mouth, his lips, his tongue. Steve moaned, hands coming up to wrap into the brunette's hair as they made out, gently biting Bucky's lip and feeling his stomach flip at the reaction it earned from his lover. He pulled back enough to meet the other man's gaze, taking in the sight of his blown pupils, the black nearly swallowing the blue of his irises. He leaned back in, breath ghosting over Bucky's skin, earning a shiver from the brunette. "I love you," he whispered softly into his ear, nipping at his earlobe before trailing down towards his clavicle, showering light kisses across the skin the entire time. 

"Baby, oh god..." Bucky moaned as Steve began to gently suck on his neck, allowing several long moments to pass as he worked to coax a bruise to the top. "I love you too... so much." The brunette's head fell back with a soft groan and Steve took the opportunity to move to the other side of his neck, repeating the same action as before. 

They exchanged sweet nothings into each other's ear, confessions of love and devotion, eventually making it into Steve's bedroom where Bucky proceeded to worship Steve's body with every touch and kiss to his skin. 

When the sound of knocking could be heard between the gasps of breath and love filled moans, they ignored it, knowing Natasha could connect the dots by the sound of a headboard banging against the wall. 

He would call her later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Future plot ideas? Let me know in a comment, each and every single one makes my day!


End file.
